Shamik Das


Thursday, November 30, 2006

Yousuf bats his way to immortality

"Zindabad Pakistan"    "Allaahu Akbar"

Mohammad Yousuf. Yousuf Youhana. Muslim. Christian. Whatever one calls him, whatever his faith, one cannot doubt the greatness of this most genial of men.

Unassuming, unflustered, unadorned by tattoos, unaccustomed to celebrity, Yousuf is the model professional. He lives cricket, breathes cricket, eats cricket.

And now he's earned himself a place in the history books - breaking all manner of records during the Third Test of Pakistan's series against the West Indies - including Windies legend Sir Viv Richards's 30-year-old record for most runs in a calendar year.

I feel privileged to have watched his highest innings of the year, a thrilling double-century at the home of cricket, full of flowing strokes and textbook defence.

I'll never forget the moment he reached three figures - a majestic cover drive from the Pavillion End which raced away to the boundary - whereupon he turned to the Mound Stand and knelt down on the hallowed turf, arms outstretched in the direction of Mecca.

Here is a list of Yousuf's feats:

Most Test runs in a calendar year - 1,788 - surpassing Viv Richards's record of 1,710 in 1976, from the same number of Tests (11)

Most Test centuries in a calendar year - 9 - overtaking Sir Viv (1976) & Aravinda de Silva (1997), who struck seven apiece

4 Test double-hundreds - joint 7th on the list

23 Test centuries - joint 14th of all time

Century in each innings - only the 50th player in Test history to have achieved this

Test average of 56.65 - highest ranked Pakistan batsman

202 - biggest innings of Mohammad Yousuf's record-breaking year, scored at Lord's

England's array of high-rolling underachievers could do worse than follow his example.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Will the real Tory tosser please stand up?

Dopey  Baldie  Nasty

Prime Minister's Questions today, or Deputy PMQs as it turned out, was vintage stuff, with John Prescott giving us a reminder of what we'll miss when he calls it a day next year.

It was Prescott v Hague - two-Jags v slap-head - a throwback to the late nineties, when all was rosy in the New Labour garden!

The contest came to a head with Mr Prescott's final riposte, when he mocked the Conservatives' "Tory tosser" campaign - aimed at curbing personal debt - and enquired which Tory front-bencher the tosser had been modelled on!

And speaking of tossers, two Jags also had it in for Lib Dem Treasury spokesman Vincent Cable, reminding the House of Dr Cable's record of changing parties once a decade.

Going ...  ... going ...  Gone!

In the 1970 General Election Cable stood for Labour in Glasgow Hillhead while in 1983 he stood for the SDP in York and it wasn't until 1997 that he won Twickenham for the Liberal Democrats.

What's next on Vinnie's Magical Mystery Tour? One of Cameron's Conservatives come 2010 I'll bet!!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Tony slaps down Tories

Opinion poll showing New Labour as the new number ones    "We are the champions!"

An opinion poll in today's Independent shows Labour back in front, up three points on last month to 36%. The new figure puts them two percentage points clear of the Tories, who slump four points to 34%.

The latest findings - the first since the Queen's Speech - will be viewed as vindication of the Prime Minister's tough stance on law & order, despite strong opposition from many in his own party as well as the Conservatives and Lib Dems.

The Liberal Democrats themselves, though up three points, are still some way off the two main parties, on 17%. "Others" comprise 13% of the vote, down two percentage points.

The poll was carried out by CommunicateResearch, a member of the British Polling Council, who interviewed 1,004 adults by telephone on 24-26 November. Data were weighted to represent all adults.

Monday, November 27, 2006

The Great Gabbs-Boys

The Aussies put their feet up after winning the First Test

Brisbane, First Test, Fifth Day: England 157 & 293 (Collingwood 96, Pietersen 92; Clark 4-72, Warne 4-124) lost to Australia 602/9 dec. & 202/1 dec. by 277 runs

For the fifth Ashes series in a row Australia laid down a marker by wrapping up the First Test half an hour before lunch.

Failure for England was pretty much guaranteed just four balls in - Kevin Pietersen out for his overnight score of 92 - with the eventual margin of defeat a mammoth 277 runs.

It was England's biggest fourth innings loss since the opening Test of the last Ashes tour, when they were handed a 384 run spanking, which set the tone for an eventual 4-1 reverse.

Visiting skipper Andrew Flintoff looked back to last summer's success for inspiration, saying "We've been in this position before and we'll be looking forward to bouncing back in the second Test in Adelaide."

"I'm captain ginger-beard"    "Aye, aye cap'n"

Man-of-the-match Ricky Ponting also alluded to the 2005 series. He said: "We won the First Test there easily and things went wrong from there on.

"We've got to look at the areas we played well in this game and carry those on to Adelaide."

Catch the final day's highlights tonight on BBC Two at 11:20, and listen to live coverage of day one of the Second Test on Radio 4 198LW and the BBC Sport website from midnight on Thursday.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Colly flowers to plant seed of hope

Kevin Pietersen glowers at Shane Warne having almost been felled by the spinner's return throw

Brisbane, First Test, Fourth Day: England 157 & 293/5 (Collingwood 96, Pietersen 92*; Warne 4-108) v Australia 602/9 dec. & 202/1 dec. (Langer 100*, Ponting 60*)

Whisper it quietly but maybe, just maybe, England can snatch parity from the jaws of humiliation.

With rain forecast and half their wickets in hand there's the slimmest of chances that England can draw the First Test and turn the heat back on their hosts.

Alastair Cook (43), Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood - who fell just four runs short of his maiden Ashes century - restored some much needed pride and ensured the game went into a fifth day.

Paul Collingwood accepts the acclaim of the Gabba crowd after getting dismissed for 96    Kevin Pietersen takes evasive action as Shane Warne fires back the "dead" ball with some venom

With Pietersen unbeaten overnight and eight runs shy of three figures all is not lost, but with the new ball imminent and Shane Warne in the wickets it'll take a monumental effort to save the game.

Also essential to England's hopes of drawing the match are Geraint Jones and Ashley Giles, who have a chance to prove their critics wrong, and justify coach Duncan Fletcher's faith in their batting ability.

As for England winning the Test? Dream on ... a mere 355 more runs at about four an over!

Catch the fourth day's highlights tonight on BBC Two at 11:10, and listen to live coverage of day five on Radio 4 198LW and the
BBC Sport website from midnight.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Robbo's head back on the chopping Bok

The Boks put England on the rocks    Dead man walking?

Twickenham, Second Test: England 14-25 South Africa;
Series drawn 1-1

England coach Andy Robinson is under mounting pressure tonight following a 25-14 defeat to South Africa.

It was England's eigth defeat in their last nine Tests - equalling the worst sequence in their 135-year history - and the Springboks' first win at Twickenham for nine years.

Having been 14-3 up midway through the first-half, the home side's collapse was nothing short of abysmal as they suffered their third loss of the autumn following defeats to the All Blacks and Argentina.

The odds are that Robinson will be out on his ear before next year's World Cup; the only question that remains is whether he'll be in charge for the Six Nations.

Watch highlights of the Springboks' success tomorrow afternoon on BBC Two at 1:35.

Punter turns the psychological screw

England coach Duncan Fletcher and his captain Andrew Flintoff contemplate defeat in the opening Ashes Test

Brisbane, First Test, Third Day: Australia 602/9 dec. & 181/1 (Langer 88*, Ponting 51*) v England 157 (Bell 50; McGrath 6-50, Clark 3-21)

Torture. A slow, excruciating torment for England's cricketers as their Ashes defence went from distressing to harrowing with Ricky Ponting putting them well and truly on the rack.

The Aussie skipper showed no mercy on the motherland, refusing to enforce the follow-on and choosing instead to give his bowlers a rest and carry on batting - compiling a colossal lead of 626 runs.

The Australians' first-innings advantage of 445 runs was the second biggest margin in Test history without the follow-on being enforced.

Ian Bell's half-century aside this was a truly atrocious day for English sport, and with Ponting determined to grind the visitors into the ground it looks like things can only get worse.

Matty Hayden gets himself run-out following a quick-fire 37

With just pride to play for, the imperative must be to avoid a record Test defeat - 675 runs - astonishingly inflicted by England at the Gabba exactly 78 years ago.

Catch the third day's highlights tonight on BBC Two at 11:20, and listen to live coverage of day four on Radio 4 198LW and the
BBC Sport website from midnight.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Stop that pigeon!

Glenn "Pigeon" McGrath    Dick Dastardly & Muttley

Brisbane, First Test, Second Day: England 53/3 (McGrath 2-25) v Australia 602/9 dec. (Ponting 196, Hussey 86, Langer 82, Clarke 56; Flintoff 4-99)

549 runs adrift, a mere 350 runs shy of avoiding the follow-on, McGrath on fire and Warney waiting in the wings ...

On the plus side, Harmy finally got his radar working and managed to get a wicket - Geraint Jones holding on to Shane Warne's miscued pull, thus proving he's learnt how to catch! ;)

With Kevin Pietersen at the crease and Andrew Flintoff next man in there's still hope of avoiding an innings defeat, so long as KP and Flintoff can emulate the hunger and desire of Aussie skipper Ricky Ponting, finally out just four runs short of a double-century.

Failing that, it's time to put in a call to those Wacky Racers and get them to stop that pigeon now!!!

Catch the second day's highlights tonight on BBC Two at 11:00, and listen to live coverage of day three on Radio 4 198LW and the
BBC Sport website from midnight.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Gabba, dabba, doo!

"Heads I win, tails you lose"

Brisbane, First Test, First Day: Australia 346/3 (Ponting 137*, Langer 82, Hussey 63*; Flintoff 2-48) v England

And they're off!!! The most eagerly anticipated series in history finally got under way at midnight.

With Ashley Giles and Geraint Jones getting the nod over Monty Panesar and Chris Read respectively it looked like the Aussies would have a psychological edge before the first ball was bowled.

And then the first ball was bowled, one of the most horrendous deliveries you're ever likely to see, Stephen Harmison firing one way down off side to Andrew Flintoff at second, yes second, slip!

From the ridiculous ...    ... to the sublime!

From that moment on, the hosts were firmly in control. Justin Langer struck a quick-fire 82 while Australia captain and newly crowned ICC Cricketer of the Year Ricky Ponting scored his 32nd Test century - his ninth in the last 13 Tests.

As for Mr Giles, he didn't perform too badly himself, snaring the dangerous Damien Martyn for just 29 and going for less than three an over - the most economical of the England bowlers.

Here is that Harmison howler in full ...

    

... followed by a little something from last summer that shows us what he's capable of!

Catch the first day's highlights tonight on BBC Two at 11:20, and listen to live coverage of day two on Radio 4 198LW and the BBC Sport website from midnight.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Nak the knife

"I'm king of the world!"    Head in his hands

Glasgow Celtic 1-0 Manchester United

A stunning free-kick from Shunsuke Nakamura took Celtic through to the knockout stages of the Champions League for the first time in their history last night.

Nakamura's 25-yard strike - ten minutes from time - curled into the top left-hand corner of Edwin Van der Sar's goal, creeping into the net beyond the Dutchman's despairing dive.

United will be kicking themselves at not securing at least a point, however - Louis Saha missing two gilt-edged chances in the last five minutes.

Firstly, Saha shot straight at Hoops keeper Artur Boruc when clean through. Then, having been awarded a disputed penalty in the final minute of the game, Boruc again denied the Frenchman - pulling off a brilliant save down to his right.

Why Messieurs Rooney, Ronaldo or Giggs didn't take the kick is anyone's guess. One thing's for sure - Saha won't be entrusted with spot-kick duties anytime soon.

Nakamura's winner (below right) was very similar to his goal at Old Trafford (below left) in the reverse fixture two months ago.

    

A draw against Benfica in United's final match will see them join Celtic in the next round. Oh well, at least there's the Ashes to worry about until then, now only 24 hours away ...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Brian Charles Lara: brilliant, coruscating legend

Lara en route to his century    Lara acclaims the crowd

Forget the Ashes, it's all happening down in the Punjab, where a certain Mr B.C. Lara has smashed yet another record.

Lara has become the first West Indian - and only the fifth batsman in history - to score a century before lunch, in his 130th Test.

In compiling his 34th Test century, the Windies skipper scored exactly 100 in the morning session, before closing on 196 not out. The visitors now lead by 152 runs with five wickets in hand and two days of the Second Test remaining.

The Trinidadian is in good company, joining Pakistan's Majid Khan (108 runs before lunch against New Zealand in 1976) and three Aussies: Victor Trumper (103 v England, 1902), Charles Macartney (112 v England, 1926) and perhaps the greatest batsman ever, Sir Donald Bradman - 105 v England in the third Ashes Test of 1930 - the innings in which he scored a then world record 334.

Sri Majid Khan  VT Trumper  CG Macartney  Sir Donald Bradman

But back to the Ashes, now a mere 30-odd hours away ...

Monday, November 20, 2006

Couldn't have put it better myself!

Warney    Ashes

Shane Warne, Test wicket record-holder and spinner nonpareil, has laid into the England management on the eve of the First Test.

His main beef with Duncan Fletcher is the confirmed preference of Geraint Jones over Chris Read and the possible inclusion of Ashley Giles ahead of Monty Panesar.

Warney's spot-on, says I! You don't win Tests by your number seven and number eight scratching around for 20 runs.

You win Test matches by taking 20 wickets, and the best way to do this is by playing an attacking spinner bowling to a wicket-keeper who can catch! Only time will tell whether Fletch's selections pay off.

Just 48 hours to go ...

Friday, November 17, 2006

Seperated at birth?

Signor Pienaar    Mohammed Ali Abdullah Saleh

One of them's the President of Yemen, the other's a living legend!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I don't bloody beelieeeve it!

"How the hell did I win this award?"    "I didn't see nuffink!"

Shock news boys and girls: Darrell Hair has been voted the world's best umpire in a poll carried out by Wisden.

I know, it's unbelievable! Either the vote was conducted before the Oval debacle, or it's been hijacked by a bunch of swivel-eyed convicts desperate for a boost ahead of the First Test next week!!!

And as for Hair's partner in crime, Billy "invisible man" Doctrove, I await with bated breath his victory in the "Best Supporting Actor" or "Best Mute Actor" category at the Oscars!

It's not all bad news from the world of cricket, however, with reports from India of a couple of schoolboys putting on a colossal 721 runs in just 40 overs!!!

"One day we'll be as famous as Marcus Trescothick!"

Watch out for these kids at the 2015 World Cup ...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

And what a scummy man ...

Just give him half a chance I bet he'll rob you if he can!

Scummy man    Scummy man's family. My heart goes out to them!

Take a look at this article in today's Sun, and then have a read of this report in tonight's Derbyshire Evening Telegraph.

Reckon the tosser's gonna change his ways? No, me neither, cause he's a scumbag, don't you know?

I said he's a scumbag, don't you know!?

Friday, November 10, 2006

Who controls the British Crown?

Who keeps the metric system down?

We do! we do! ...

One of the best episodes ever! Enjoy the song, my fellow Stonecutters:



The perfect way to wind down, a moment of levity at the end of this most historic of weeks.

And with history in mind, tomorrow marks the 88th anniversary of the Armistice.

Wear your poppy with pride, and never forget those who gave and continue to give their lives so that we can live in peace, free to speak our minds, vote for who we want and protest at what we wish.

We are forever in their debt.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Time for Rummy bye-bye!

"You're fired!"    "Uh-oh"

Bad news for Dubya at the US Mid Terms. Loss of the House & the Senate, and now he's lost his Secretary of Defense.

It was a night of stunning successes for the Democrats, who took back control of both Houses of Congress, winning the House of Representatives by 226-196 and regaining the Senate by the narrowest of margins - 50-49.

Donald Rumsfeld paid the price for the Republican Party's hammering, losing his job at the Pentagon as the President sought a "fresh perspective" on Iraq.

Congratulations to the biggest winners of the night: Arnold Schwarzenneger - a lone ray of hope for the Republicans - re-elected as Governor of California by a landslide, Nancy Pelosi, the first ever female Speaker of the House of Representatives, ...

Arnie  Nancy  Bernie  Joey

... Bernie Sanders - Vermont's newly-elected Senator & the first Socialist in the Senate's history - and Joe Lieberman, re-elected to his Connecticut seat despite being forced to stand as an independent.

From sea to shining sea, democracy in action in the land of the free; God Bless America.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

"Saddam Hussein Al-Majid, you are an habitual criminel ..."

"I hereby sentence you to death by hanging"    "I am not a crook"

"Am I bovvered? Am I bovvered, though? Do I look bovvered? Am I bovvered, though? Look at my face. Does it look bovvered, though?

"Look at my face. Look at my face. Look at my face, though. Does any part of it look bovvered? Am I bovvered? Ask me if I'm bovvered. Go on, ask me if I'm bovvered. Ask me. Ask me if I'm bovvered. No, I ain't even bovvered. I ain't bovvered.

"Do you think I'm bovvered? Face. Bovvered. Look. Face. Bovvered. Look. Face. Bovvered? Look. Death? Bovvered? I ain't bovvered. I ain't fucking bovvered. You callin' me a Ba'athist?"