EXCLUSIVE: Grayling to be Chancellor after election

CHRIS GRAYLING is being lined up as Chancellor in the event of a hung parliament. Secret plans drawn up by civil servants this week, details of which have been leaked to this reporter, reveal the gaffe-prone safe-pair-of-hands shadow home secretary will take the reins at the Treasury to help steer the economy back on track.

The news is bound to be a blow to both Alistair Darling and Vince Cable, both of whom assumed the job was theirs for the taking. Grayling is also a shoo-in for the role if the Tories win a majority, Conservative leader David Cameron having finally lost patience with “boy” George Osborne, the shrill, stuck-up little weasel loathed by one and all.

The final straw for Mr Cameron is believed to be the back-of-fag-packet calculations on the effects of a reduction in National Insurance contributions, torn to shreds this morning by the government, Lord Mandelson saying:

“Mr Cameron and Mr Osborne are peddling a deception...

“[Osborne] is like a kid in a sweet shop, who thinks he can just grab sweets from every jar without paying for them.”

• April Fools: Watch Mandelson savage Cameron and Osborne