Gordon and Obama's cunning plan to wave off riots

GORDON BROWN will today unleash the full force of the British state to ensure protesters do not disrupt this week's G20 summit in Docklands.

Working on the theory that a heavy soaking or dozen will deter all but the most hard-core of anarchists, peaceniks and environmentalists, the Prime Minister will utilise the latest in Chinese nature-defying technology to create one of the most tremendous storms London has seen.

After doing a deal with Beijing to allow pirate DVD sellers to ply their wares with impunity the G20 host has taken delivery of several of the high-tech aircraft the Chinese government used to break up clouds and ensure clear skies during the Olympics last summer.

Only this time, the CHN-900Ks will be set to "create" mode and not "destroy", manufacturing rainclouds out of the ether and setting them primed to detonate at midday today when thousands of demonstrators are expected to gather in the City for what the protesters have dubbed Financial Fools' Day.

Whether or not the technology works or whether the Prime Minister's been swindled like so many dodgy-DVD buyers in pubs and markets across the country remains to be seen.

• April 1st 2008: Chinese little and large called in to guard Torch
• April 1st 2007: Blair to replace McClaren as England manager