"Son, I represent a group of oil tycoons who make foolish purchases...

    

"We already bought us a stained glass bathrobe, and the world's fattest racehorse!

"And now, we need your cricketers!"

Behold Sir Allen Stanford's philosophy, the tried and tested chat-up line he used to seduce Giles Clarke, embattled chairman of the England and Wales Cricket Board - and one he shares with fellow Texan businessman Colonel Tex.

Still, I suppose it could have been worse; Sir Allen could have done a Dubya, and remarked that cricket "looks a bit like polo and baseball combined, only without the horses", dog-gone it!

As they say up in Texas, yeeeee-hah!

• Evening Standard: Stanford tries to high-tail it out of the US
• BBC Sport: Live video scorecard of the third Test from Antigua