Coming soon to a screen near you:

THE latest in reality TV, a gameshow in which a bunch of cricketers compete for a million dollar bounty on a fantasy Caribbean island; you've had Footballers' Wags, now brace yourselves for a brand new series of CRICKETERS' SLAGS!

"Eeet's just not cr-eee-ket!" squealed Kevin Pie-ter-sen in his best Afrikaner accent - possibly the finest dialect on the planet in which to express outrage - after watching Sir Allen Stanford getting action with the England players' wives.

    

Yes KP, you're right: it ain't cricket, and you should never have accepted Stanford's indecent proposal in the first place, but effecting disgust at it now is a bit like Gideon "oik" Osborne crying about his treatment at the hands of Oleg Deripaska after the event having been more than willing to swan around with him on his £80 million yacht.

As the saying goes, if money is your only motivation, if you cosy up to vulgar billionaires and drink from the poisoned well, don't be surprised if you, or your wife, end up feeling humiliated, used and abused.

• Cricinfo: All the latest from the Stanford Super Series
• The Daily Telegraph: Sir Allen apologises to Pietersen