Ronaldo = no-lardo

So says Carlo Ancelotti, the AC Milan manager, as he welcomed the Brazilian back to Italy following his four and a half year Spanish sojourn.

Ronaldo - formerly of Milan's bitter rivals Internazionale - completed his £5,000,000 transfer to the Rossoneri this afternoon, following David Beckham out of the Bernabéu exit door.

"Ronaldo is not fat," said Ancelotti. "He is a very robust player. I think his problem is the fact that in recent times, he has not had much motivation.

"From a physical point of view, he hasn't trained much because he has been excluded from Real Madrid's team and he has lost motivation in training.

"But he remains a great player. In the last five years at Real, he has scored almost 100 goals. No one in the world has done that."

Amen to that, Carlo! Let's all pray that slim enjoys better luck at the San Siro this time around than he did with the Nerazzurri.