Shamik Das

Imagine if the BBC allowed animals to enter Sports Personality of the Year...

2011-12-28T23:22:00.007Z

CONTROVERSY raged today over the BBC’s latest act of obvious if unintended sexism, following up their ‘no girls, no females, no women’ Sports Personality of the Year shortlist by naming a panda (yes panda) as their December female face of the year.

Not just that, but of the 11 humans they named, as the New Statesman’s Laurie Penny rightly puts it, more than half are less than inspiring (especially when compared to the male faces of the year):

“Newsworthy male feats in 2011 include, apparently, being a politician (3), being a police officer, being a soldier (3), being an Oscar-winning screenwriter, being an athlete, being a revolutionary martyr, being a fascist mass-murderer who definitely shouldn't have any more sodding publicity, and being shot by the Metropolitan police.

“To be considered a newsworthy woman in 2011, meanwhile, you have to make an allegation of rape, be a pop star, go on a date with a pop star, get married to a royal, be the sister of someone who got married to a royal, be a royal and get married to someone who isn't a royal, or be a panda called Sweetie.”

Leaving aside her implicit call for pandacide - saying of them “sometimes, it’s just best to let nature take its course” - she pretty much hits the nail on the head; not much one can add on the sexism point.

However, taking the equality of species angle, and with regard to SPOTY, what might have happened had the BBC chosen to apply this principle to this year’s competition? Imagine if male and female humans were excluded, and it was an all-animal affair?

Now, my knowledge of horses and greyhounds, who would inevitably dominate such a spectacle, is next to nothing, and Wiki’s not much help either, throwing up this and this, but with what little I do know about this field, the aid of Google and a bit of imagination we might come up with a show that goes a little something like this:

COACH OF THE YEAR:

Bryan Habana’s cheetah. The Springbok flyer raced the spotted speedster in the run-up to South Africa’s victorious 2007 World Cup campaign and is rumoured to have done so for the Boks’ title defence this year. If the job of a coach is to push his charges to the limit surely the lithe, loping little big cat has no peers. The RFU should take note.

UNSUNG HERO OF THE YEAR:

The unknown bull. If bullfighting can be called a sport it would be nothing without the vanquished, the real star of the show, more so than the prancing matador, in the most consistently one-sided (more one-sided than even the duopoly of the Scottish Premier League) contest in the history of sport.

IMAGE OF THE YEAR:

The classic picture of the dogs playing pool. As with the bull, it’s a shoo in every year. A work of genius. On so many levels.

TEAM OF THE YEAR:

The King’s Cup-winning Audemars Piguet elephant polo champions. The elephants not the men that is. And that’s elephant polo - not elephant water polo, but man, what a sight that would be!

OVERSEAS PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR:

Yang Guang, Tian Tian’s mate. We can’t leave him out - the pair can show off their awards to the Edinburgh public together; just imagine the stick he’ll get from Tian if he goes to the enclosure empty-pawed... Besides, if the slothish, chilled-out Dimitar Berbatov can cut it, there’s no reason why the equally unathletic Yang can’t.

YOUNG SPORTS PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR:

Siku, the newborn polar bear cub being hand-reared in Denmark. Like Yang, no sporting ability’s yet been demonstrated, but this award’s all about promise, and boy does Siku have it in him to be the new Knut, performing for thousands of adoring fans week in, week out.

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD:

Awarded posthumously to Red Rum, quite simply the greatest horse who ever lived, three-time winner of the Grand National and runner-up in his other two attempts. A fitting tribute in the year his legendary trainer Ginger McCain joined him in the winner’s enclosure in the sky.

And finally...

SPORTS PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR:

Kauto Star, who on Monday won his fifth King George VI Chase, described by the Guardian as “record-breaking, history-making breathtaking... one of the most memorable performances in the history of jumps racing”. With that win, Kauto overtook Desert Orchid as the most successful horse in the history of the race.

So there we have it, surreal, (surprising? - lemme know in the comments), strange, but no less bizarre than the nomination of Sweetie as female face of December that got us here in the first place. Joking aside, it would almost be worth it just to see all the old dinosaurs from the Keys-Gray school - who saw no problem with an all-male shortlist - protesting about a no-bloke shortlist...

• Anger as BBC chooses Tian Tian as December woman 2011
• New Statesman: What “panda-gate” tells us about sexism
• BBC News: Faces of the year 2011 - the women
• BBC News: Faces of the year 2011 - the men
• LFF: Why is there such little coverage of women’s sport?
• LFF: And the BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2011 could have been...

The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff: A Bright New Show of Class!

2011-12-19T23:12:00.001Z

TONIGHT showed the BBC at its best, with an hour-long Dickensian Mistletime comedy, beautifully costumed, imaginatively written and well acted, led by a stellar cast including Robert Webb, Stephen Fry, David Mitchell and Johnny Vegas.

But don’t just take my word for it; if you haven’t already seen it, you can watch it again on the iPlayer and on Thursday, December 29th at 10:00pm on BBC Two.

Here’s the blurb (featuring some faaaaaaaaantastic names!):

“A Victorian comedy adventure in the style of Charles Dickens.

“Jedrington Secret-Past is a happy family man with a successful business until on Christmas Eve Malifax Skulkingworm, a lawyer with a flinty heart and an evil hat, tells him he owes a massive debt he never knew of, and imprisons his family and shop in London's most notorious debtors prison, the Skint.

“What is behind Skulkingworm’s sinister plan? Will Jedrington rescue his family in time for Christmas? And is there more to the name of Secret-Past than meets the eye? All will be revealed in a tale of hidden wills, brave urchins, giant clocks, misery, joy and treacle.”

And here’s some clips, first an introduction to the Secret-Past family:

Followed by Mister Jolliforth Jollington unveiling his amazing technicolor inflatocoat:

It’s even got a Mr Fruitcake!

Enjoy!!

• BBC: The Bleak Old Shop of Stuff

Wanna choke off Cowell’s X Factor single from the Xmas number one? Here’s how!

2011-12-11T18:54:00.007Z

ANOTHER Christmas, another seemingly inexorable march to the number one slot for Simon Cowell’s latest fame-hungry karaoke coverer, with the winner of X Factor 2011 set to be unveiled tonight.

But it doesn’t have to be this way - the man who’s ruining music was knocked off his perch in 2009 and can be beaten again.

This year, following in the beats of Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name is the Nirvana classic Smells Like Teen Spirit, as 21st-century anti-Cowell hero John Morter - the man behind the campaign to get Rage to the number one two years ago - explained on Radio Five Live last night, on the eve of the X Factor dénouement.

Listen to the interview, with Saturday Edition’s Chris Warburton:

Xmas No 1 X Factor alternatives (mp3)

This year’s campaign, though, is slightly different, as Morter explains:

“There’s a lot of differences really, it's not really the same sort of campaign, to be honest with you, it doesn’t feel the same, it feels very different in a good way. The Rage campaign was really, you know, a ‘have a go’, this monopoly had kept on keeping our Christmas number ones every year and we stopped that, which was brilliant, and...”

But it doesn’t say anything about the might and power of the pop music industry, does it, that you’re able to then have a campaign to get something else to number one, it’s not done organically, I don’t think it kind of redresses what you see as a bigger problem does it?

“Well, it depends how you mean, in the very long term, possibly not, it's one minor event on a massive, massive spectrum of musical history, so, to answer that, probably no, but, y’know, it was something that, that people could get hold of and could get behind and say, ‘look, we’ve had enough of this’, and that was a tangible way of doing it, and it also, it was a way of hitting them where it hurt, because the Chrismas Number One, to all intents and purposes, is the big one, y’know, it's the one that they all wanna go for.”

And, even better, even more than the satisfaction of getting one over on Cowell and propelling a proper tune to the number one slot, the Nirvana campaign is raising money for Rhythmix, which, as we reported on Left Foot Forward last month, is the music charity that’s being screwed by Cowell and his Big Music overlords.

In his interview, Morter adds:

“The Nirvana campaign is also raising money for the charity Rhythmix, which is a children’s charity, does a lot of great work for bereaved children, and for children with music as well, and, erm, yeah, they’re doing quite a bit for that too, so, y’know, would I feel bad, well no, not really, cos it’s still doing some good...

Rhythmix was the one, Rhythmix was - there’s no coincidence here is there? Cos Rhythmix was the name of the band that had to change their name in X Factor cos it shared the same name as the charity and then they had to change their name to Little Mix on the show, etc, etc...

“That’s the one, yes, that's correct.”

It’s a no-brainer, right? Surely there is no competition, either line Cowell’s pockets and buy the X Factor winner’s cover of Damien Rice’s Cannonball, or help out a music charity, turn the screw on Cowell and buy Nirvana, which you should do anyway ’cos it’s by far the better tune!

Don’t believe me?!

Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello, how low?
Hello, hello, hello...

• The story of Rhythmix and the corporate greed of S. Cowell
• Anti-cuts song battles X Factor winner for Christmas No. 1
• Facebook: The Nirvana For Christmas No.1 campaign
• July 2011: Amy Jade Winehouse, 1983-2011, RIP
• June 2011: Ed Sheeran shows ’em how to strum
• February 2010: Rowntree savages the BRITS
• December 2008: Hallelujah: It’s showtime!

The case against substitutes in cricket

2011-07-29T14:59:00.009+01:00

THERE has been much debate recently about the use of substitutes in cricket, from the forthcoming outlawing of runners, to the tightening up of fielding subs post-05, and now a suggestion on Cricinfo for tactical replacements to be allowed.

We’ll come to the wider debate later, but first to Rob Steen’s article on Cricinfo this week making “the case for substitutes”, in which he asks why cricket is “so resistant to permitting like-for-like replacements for players who are under-par and underperforming”.

At the beginning, he writes:

“Condensed matches, fielding restrictions, Powerplays, arbitration by TV replay, ‘super’ overs. We could while away a lunch interval counting the ways in which cricket, more than any other sport, has been open to flexibility, remaking and remodelling itself to meet the challenges of fickle fashion and a fast-forward planet.

“Objectionable and irrelevant as some have been, this approach to innovation has achieved the desired means, namely survival, even prosperity.

“If it hadn’t, there would have been no queue snaking around Lord’s on Monday, let alone one of such inordinate length that my son and I couldn't find the end of it.”

This attempt to suggest the one day innovations led to the five day final day clamour is as wilfully ignorant as it is misleading. The Lord’s Test was not a “condensed match” and did not feature “fielding restrictions” or “‘super’ overs”, and even the “arbitration by TV replay” was DRS lite - no LBs could be referred to the third umpire, as well Rob knows.

There is no causal relationship between the one day modernisations and the fifth day lust for pure, old skool class. The queues would have been “snaking around Lord’s on Monday” regardless.

Onto the substance of his plans, let’s first look at what the laws of cricket (pdf) currently say.

Law 2.1 (a) (i) states:

“If the umpires are satisfied that a player has been injured or become ill after the nomination of the players, they shall allow that player to have a substitute acting instead of him in the field.”

With Law 2.3 specifying:

“A substitute shall not be allowed to bat or bowl nor to act as wicket-keeper or as captain on the field of play.”

Rule 2.1.3 of the ICC’s Standard Test Match Playing Conditions (pdf) adds:

“Substitute fielders shall only be permitted in cases of injury, illness or other wholly acceptable reasons. ‘Wholly acceptable reasons’ should be limited to extreme circumstances and should not include what is commonly referred to as a ‘comfort break’.”

That ruling tightens up the system, dealing at a stroke with abuses of the present subs system, most notably during the 2005 Ashes in which England players were on and off like a light switch, nipping off for a wizz or towel-down... though it should be remembered that Gary Pratt, when running out Ricky Ponting at Trent Bridge that memorable summer, was very much a legitimate replacement.

Steen’s desire to amend these laws, allowing current substitutes to become players, and permitting tactical substitutions, would fundamentally alter the game, turning it from the last true 11v11 into a 12- 13- (why not 14- or 15-) a-side contest, diluting the talent level, and descending the game into farce.

In the case of the former, what would stop a ‘bloodgate’-style fake injury scenario, or football-style feigned writhing around on the floor in agony, in order to bring on a new player who’d be permitted to do everything; in the case of the latter, there’d be nothing preventing teams, for example, packing fourth innings line ups with batsmen/bowlers, or third innings’ in the case of follow-ons/game-saving situations.

More draws would most likely result.

Then, there’s the question, in the case of permitting full replacements for injuries, from where one would summon up a 12th or 13th man, unless one were to propose they wile away the five days on the balcony in the vain hope of an injury. It’s fine for touring teams, but is it really feasible for the home side?

And on tactical subs, wither the all-rounder; why have a Hadlee or Sobers or Kapil or Flintoff when you can pack the squad with pure bowlers and pure batsmen.

As Simon Briggs wrote in the Telegraph:

“...let other sports shuffle people on and off the field like Shane Warne changing his poker hand. In cricket, the same team that starts the match must finish the match - minus any casualties sustained along the way.

“It is a tough school, admittedly, but the status quo favours the teams with the most exacting fitness standards and the most brave and resourceful individuals.

“Some of cricket’s greatest legends tell of incapacitated batsmen who shrugged off the pain of broken fingers, or bowlers who kept running in when lesser men (can we avoid another football parallel here?) would call for the stretcher.

“Think of Malcolm Marshall skittling England with a plaster cast on his left arm in 1984, or Colin Cowdrey defying Wes Hall with one hand in 1963...”

Onto the change in the rules on runners, which are to be banned in all international cricket from September/October, at the end of the English season. Even allowing for the ICC’s claim “there has been a strong feeling that runners were used not in the right spirit”, their complete abolition does seem overly disproportionate.

ICC chief Haroon Lorgat says:

“It’s quite a difficult one for umpires to determine whether there has been a real injury to batsmen or whether it was a tactical use of runners...

“If a bowler gets injured you can't continue bowling for the rest of the day and the feeling was that it would be better to not allow the use of runners because there has been abuse in the past.”

As I said, even allowing for this, it’s easily got round, with a firm ‘No’, or maybe even the corroboration of the opposition physio if in doubt, someone who, despite their colours, owes their first allegiance to their oath and is unlikely to give false advice - and neither will players be willing to chance it if they knew that could be humiliatingly rebuffed.

Under the new rules, you may end up with a crooked batsman hobbling out to the middle and both he and his partner blocking or boundarying, with no running whatsoever. Or, if we’re getting real farcical, the fit batsman running two and getting one; one short is short whether the batsman is 21 yards shy or 21 milimetres short.

But back to the primary point, about tactical subs and full subs for injuries. If we aren’t careful, we may end up with 16-man squads, or, the nightmare vision, specialist teams as in American Football, and if there’s one thing cricket ain’t, it ain’t American.

As Michael Atherton wrote (£) so brilliantly on the eve of the 2,000th Test:

“It is, though, only the rhythms of Test cricket, the ebb and flow, the peculiar challenge offered by the changing conditions over five days and the mental and physical questions that the long game asks of the players, that marks cricket out as a special game.

“Otherwise, you might as well watch baseball.”

• The Times: A brief history of Test cricket
• Cricinfo: England v India, 2nd Test live

Amy Winehouse, 1983-2011, RIP

2011-07-26T20:59:00.003+01:00

AMY WINEHOUSE was cremated today, three days after she died, suddenly, at her home in Camden. Only 27 years young. Twenty seven. So young, too young, too soon.

The funeral in Golders Green followed a private service in Edgware, and will be followed by a private remembrance in Southgate. Hundreds of mourners attended the services, with thousands more gathering round her home, laying flowers, cards and memories at the ad hoc shrine.

I only met Amy once, well I say ‘met’, it was only a brief acquaintance, on a typically mental raaaaandom Camden eve barely five months ago, on the High Street and then in Proud, where she was chillin’ and spinnin’, lookin’ fiiiine, good drunk and unhigh...

You’d imagine stars wouldn’t have to buy their own drinks, or at least get a lackey to fetch them. Not Amy, queuing up with us mortals, paying with her own money, from her own purse, and happy to acknowledge the crowd with a shy smile and a “hi”.

To her music, then, so many tunez to choose from, all good, unique, a true talent; my faves are the biggies, Valerie, Rehab, and alongside the latter the most haunting now she’s no longer amongst us, Back to Black:

The 27 Club has a new member; their gain is Earth’s loss. Picture the scene and smile... Hendrix, Jones and Kobain on the harps, Amy belting out the hits, forever young, forever in music’s heart, singing out the skies forever more.

• Amy Jade Winehouse, 1983-2011, RIP

Wag-gingity-gwan! Ed Sheeran shows ’em how to strum

2011-06-15T21:51:00.003+01:00

ED SHEERAN. Remember the name. He’s the (relatively) new boy of UK music. And he’s good. Very, verrrrrrry good. He signed for Atlantic at the turn of the year, and will be releasing his new album in the autumn; the first song off that album to be released was out on Sunday, and all this week he’s been talkin’ to the papers, tourin’ the airwaves and feelin’ the love.

Last night, he was live in session on Geoff Lloyd’s Hometime Show (33:35-48:40) on the home of live music, Absolute Radio, talking about his background, influences and future. In sum, he used to play the cello, first picked up a guitar at 11, started writing music at 13, has been releasing music since 14, is 20 now, is ginger, from Suffolk (though born in Halifax), “kind of hippyish” and “went to a normal comprehensive school”.

On the substantive, the music, he said:

“I did have really terrible music taste in primary school and then my dad kind of got me out of it, and got me into Dylan and Damian Rice... I owned a couple of Slipknot CDs and Limp Bizkit and I was really into Kerrang and heavy metal and stuff... I think I had a Stepz CD actually...

“[My dad’s] a big fan of Dylan and Van Morrison and the Beatles and stuff like that... [I was inspired by] Eric Clapton actually. I saw Eric Clapton at the Queen’s jubilee play Layla and I was like that’s a sick song, I wanna learn that.”

And here’s what he said when quizzed on his new record deal:

You’ve just signed for Atlantic - any attempts to mould you or suggest you do things a certain way?

“Not at all, no, ’cos I achieved a certain amount of independent success before I signed, I kind of signed off the back of having a large fan base and a good touring audience and was basically just allowed to go in the studio and make the album that I wanted to make, which is really cool.”

That's such a luxury though isn’t it?

“Yeah, it’s good, it’s really, really nice and its kind of paid off ’cos the single’s out now and it’s kind of, it’s, it’s doing alright.”

And you chose which song came out as a single?

“Yep, and how the video was done and everything.”

Phenomenal!

Just the word to describe his live acoustic rendition of You need me; listen to the mastery and feel the buzz, feel the passion, feeeeeeeeel the noise:

Ed Sheeran "You Need Me" live on Absolute Radio (mp3)

Oh. Yeah! Listen up all you reality show wannabes: that’s what you call talent, that’s what you call class, that’s what you call music.

• Ed Sheeran official website
• Ed’s MySpace page

Quaint, quirky, classy... The majesty of Lord’s

2011-06-05T11:27:00.004+01:00

LORD’s in the sunshine, for a Test match, white fluffy clouds above, a perfect pitch below, the world’s best players, the best ground in the world... is there a more beautiful sight?

The current match, the second Test between England and Sri Lanka, is well poised, the visitors 255 runs adrift with nine first innings wickets in hand, following Tillakaratne Dilshan’s unbeaten 127 off only 166 balls, described by Scyld Berry in The Sunday Telegraph as “outstanding in his shot execution - if not always in his shot-selection”.

A man to watch - especially if you’re in the Pavilion...

The peerless Andy Zaltzman describes the carnage:

“Dilshan hoists Swann into the Pavilion. Clonked an MCC member on the head with it too. Imprisonable offence in the old days.”

He can console himself with membership of the most exclusive, most undeniably unrivalled club in the world, at the most special place in the world.

As Berry said:

“...if there has been a hero in this game - an English hero, that is, to go alongside Dilshan - it has been Thomas Lord, for laying the foundations of a special occasion.

“This match has been as good as a Lord’s Test in the second half of the season, the sun shining, the crowd at full capacity, spectators grazing on the Nursery or in the Warner garden, the band playing at the intervals.

“It has not been heaven, but it has been a haven, an enclave removed from an increasingly troubled world, or a world with ever more people who are troubled. Well played, Lord’s, and those who run it tastefully well. Just get a bit more pace in this pitch.”

Just seven weeks and counting to that midsummer Test, which will be even better than this one, England v India, the top teams in the world; a fervent away crowd, not a spare seat in the house... There’s no place in the world that can compare, no place I’d rather be, from morning bell to evening close, Lord’s is, quite simply, the greatest place on Earth.

• Cricinfo: Live ball-by-ball text coverage of day three
• Test Match Special: Live ball-by-ball audio

All United fans should hail Messi, hail Barça, and hail the beautiful game; there’s no shame in this defeat

2011-05-29T12:15:00.005+01:00

Wembley, Champions League Final: Barcelona 3-1 Man Utd

BARCELONA, beautiful Barça, stand atop the football world this morning following their emphatic, orgasmic win over Manchester United last night, the champions of England played off the park by one of the greatest teams in history.

From the first whistle to the final, there was never any contest; save for Rooney’s equaliser against the run of play, United did not muster a single shot on target, outplayed, outpassed and out of the running, undone by superb strikes from Pedro, Messi and Villa, who between them have scored almost as many goals as the entire Utd squad this season.

Messi alone has scored more than 50 goals in 2010/11 at a strike rate of more than one a game. Simply brilliant.

The way he plays, the way they all play, those little, magic men, should be an inspiration to us all, the game played the right way, skill not strength, mettle not muscle, finesse, flair, flamboyance, showing the game need not be about high balls, big men and fouls - i.e. you don’t have to play the Mourinho way to win.

The whole of London felt abuzz for the contest, lit up by Barcelona fans, from the Champions festival in Hyde Park...

...through Oxford Street, Nike Town, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, basically everywhere, all the way up to and along down Wembley Way...

It was, simply, a magical event, an amazing day to crown off a week in which London showed it could put on a show, serving up one of the best footballing, if one-sided, finals we’ve ever had. Forget FIFA, forget corruption, forget Blatter and Bin Hammam, just sit back and bask, smile, and feel privileged to be able to tell your grandchildren you saw this Barcelona in their prime.

For the final eulogy, I can do no better than leave you with the words of Tim Vickery, Five Live’s South America expert; enjoy!

Listen!

• FC Barça: Més que un club

India expects

2011-04-02T05:32:00.002+01:00

Mumbai, World Cup Final: India v Sri Lanka

TODAY, India will play in the World Cup Final. At home. With the hopes and dreams of a billion people resting on the shoulders of the XI in light blue.

Standing in their way will be Sri Lanka, for whom it will also be a third final, having, like India, won one and lost one.

For Sachin Tendulkar, the stars are in alignment, magically, incredibly, playing the World Cup Final on his home ground, probably his last ever World Cup match, on the verge of hitting his hundredth international hundred.

For Murali, also, the chance to end his cricket career by winning the World Cup, doing a McGrath, and succeeding where Zidane failed by winning the biggest prize of all in his last ever match.

It’s impossible to say for certain who will win, whether the Lankans have one last effort in them, in front of a highly vocal away crowd, or whether India will emulate that glorious summer’s day at Lord’s 28 years ago when Kapil and Amarnath saw off Clive Lloyd’s Winvincibles...

...different times, a different feel, before the commercial behemoth swept all before it, as Sahil Dutta explores in this brilliant feature on Cricinfo today.

Yet for all the razzmatazz, media overkill, faux fans and bandwagon jumpers, this remains, at heart, the sport it’s forever been, 11 against 11, whoever scores the most wins... it oozes class - in the longest form at least - and remains the most compelling drama on God’s Earth. Long may it continue.

So back to the final: who will win? I’m saying India, head as much as heart, the strongest batting line up, the team surfing the crest of a wave, they’ve been tested, they’ve come through it stronger, and, far from wilt under the pressure, the home fans will spur them on.

One last time then, boys... Bangladesh; the memorable tie v England; Ireland; Netherlands; the blip v South Africa; Windies; the quarter final destruction of Australia; the semi final dismantling of Pakistan... And now, Sri Lanka.

It’s time to play up, play up, and pick up the Cup.

• Cricinfo match preview: Tournament’s best at final hurdle
• Crictime: Watch the World Cup Final live

EXCLUSIVE: Musa Kusa to take charge of England One Day team

2011-04-01T11:50:00.003+01:00

MUSA KUSA (or should that be Moussa Koussa?), who defected to Britain this week, will be unveiled today as the new England One Day coach.

The flamboyant former foreign minister, described as Libya’s answer to Geoffrey Boycott, used the air strikes against the regime, and the warm embrace of William Hague, as cover for his undercover dash to Britain - having been offered the job of leading England’s 50-over strugglers in the immediate aftermath of the ten-wicket tonking by Sri Lanka last weekend.

He will replace Andy Flower, who will remain coach of the world champion Twenty20 and Ashes-winning Test sides, with England experimenting with split-coaching as well as split-captaincy for the three formats of the game, though Andrew Strauss’s successor as skipper in the short form will not be unveiled till later this month.

Kusa will be formally presented to the media at the Lord’s press day this afternoon, having failed to appear at the Oval presser this morning.

Colonel Gaddafi is understood to be furious at the move, reportedly telling aides:

“I cannot believe it, I simply do not understand why he is joining this dishevelled, disliked bunch of international pariahs...”

Sentiments echoed by William Hague, who feels used. He told this blog:

“Moooouuuusssaaa Koooouuusssaaaa has let me down. How am aaaahhhh going to explain this to Daaaaaaaavid Cameron?”

And in other news today, it has been revealed that Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, is to roll out a new range of bouncy balls; indeed, it has been speculated that he was sitting on just such a ball when he appeared on Question Time last night...

• On this day: 2007: Blair lined up as England’s saviour

Ronaldo retires; a tribute to the great man

2011-02-14T22:51:00.002Z

RONALDO, Ronaldo Luís Nazário de Lima, the original, the one, the only, retired from football today, 34 years young.

He said simply:

“I wanted to continue, but I can’t. I think of an action, but I can’t do it the way I want to. It’s time.”

Two hundred and forty seven goals in 343 club appearances, 62 in 97 for his country, two World Cups, World Player of the Year three times, the only man ever to play for Barça and Real, Inter and AC, the World Cup’s leading goalscorer... the stats speak for themselves.

From Paris in the summer of ’98 to Yokohama four years later, he’s known the lowest lows and the highest highs, been coached by some of the greatest minds, from Bobby Robson to Fabio Capello to Carlo Ancelloti, and for Brazil, his coaches included the legendary Mario Zagallo and Big Phil.

So many great goals, so many gongs, the dribbles, the stepovers, the sheer, unadulterated skill; fat? Hardly. And always, he looked like a man who loved playing the beautiful game, always smiling, grinning goofily, never forgetting how lucky he was to have achieved all he did.

But words can’t justice to his 18-year playing career, so here’s a little something to remember his playing days by:

And so another player from USA ’94 bows out (probably the last one, albeit only a substitute), another star of France ’98 exits the field; a little part of our youth died today, but we’ll always have the memoriez...

• RonaldoHome.com: Official Ronaldo website
• January 2007: Ronaldo = no-lardo
• December 2006: Quote of the year!

Rooney back to his best as United close in on title

2011-02-02T23:51:00.005Z

Old Trafford, Premier League: Manchester United 3-1 Aston Villa

WAYNE ROONEY returned to form with his first brace for 11 months to steer Man Utd to a comfortable win and maintain their five-point lead at the top of the table. The win equals a club record 29 league games without defeat.

Rooney’s double strike takes his tally for the season to six goals from 23 games, four from 15 in the league; at this stage last season, however, he had scored 23 goals in 35 games for club and country, and an incredible 20 in 23 Premier League games.

His first last night came after just 50 seconds, only his second from open play this term, controlling Edwin van der Sar’s goal kick with aplomb before smacking a dipping shot over Brad Friedel and into the Villa goal from the edge of the area...

szólj hozzá: Man 3-1 Aston

...his second came on the stroke of half-time, tapping in a teasing Nani cross that just begged to be slotted home. Though Darren Bent pulled one back for the visitors on 58, Rooney was back in the swing within minutes, teeing up Nemanja Vidic to secure a 12th win in 13 home league games this campaign.

After the game, Rooney said:

“I have been happy with my play but obviously I want to score. As a striker you want to score goals but I have been happy with my performances, apart from the Blackpool match last week. I am delighted to have scored and hopefully I can go on a run now and help the team to win games...

“I have had a few chances off Edwin. It is something we have been trying for the past few years. It was a great ball by him and thankfully I was able to put it away. It was also a great ball from Nani. That is something he can do really well and it would be great to see him do more of it.

“He has got great dribbling skills but he is also a great crosser of a ball. If he mixes that up he will be really difficult for defenders to mark... We know it’s up to us where the title goes and I hope we can win it.”

Elsewhere this midweek round of matches, Arsenal and Chelsea both won, while Manchester City could only draw, dropping further off the pace - they now lie eight points off the pace, having played a game more, and look all but out of the title race; their bitterest rivals, meanwhile, look peerless.

• ESPN Soccernet: Wayne Rooney stats page
• March 2010: Rooney and Messi zero in on South Africa

Superhuman Kallis sets up thrilling finale

2011-01-05T19:30:00.002Z

Cape Town, third Test, day 4: South Africa 362 and 341 (Kallis 109*, Boucher 55; Harbhajan 7-120) v India 364

JACQUES KALLIS became only the 11th man in Test history to hit a century in each innings more than once as he steered South Africa from a perilous 46 for 4 to set India 340 to win the match and series - what would be the highest successful fourth innings chase in South Africa and the 12th highest ever.

Kallis came in early on the fourth day, at the end of second over after Alviro Petersen was trapped in front by Harbhajan Singh for 22, and had barely reached double figures when Hashim Amla was clean bowled by the spinner - leaving South Africa just 44 ahead with only six wickets remaining, and Harbhajan with figures of 4-10.

Then, aided by AB de Villiers (13), Ashwell Prince (22), Mark Boucher (55), Dale Steyn (32), Morne Morkel (28) and Lonwabo Tsotsobe (8) - the last four wickets realising 211 runs - he reached three figures, with a glance off Harbhajan, becoming the sixth South African to score two hundreds in a Test.

Kallis’s feat is all the more remarkable given that he missed the entire India first innings with an injury, a blow to his chest during his first innings century preventing him from fielding; the contusion in the ribs and resultant muscle strain meant he would only bat “if absolutely necessary”.

He was never likely, though, to miss out, saying on the second evening:

“It was a little bit sore throughout the innings but you’ve just got to get on with the job... Most games you play, there is a little niggle and it was just another niggle. Hopefully it doesn’t keep me out of the game for too long.

“While facing the ball, you forget the pain. Once you hit the ball your body reminds you that you are a bit sore.”

Kallis is now second only to Sachin Tendulkar (who hit his 51st Test century in this match) in the number of Test centuries, with 40, leapfrogging Ricky Ponting, whose disastrous Ashes series sees him stuck on 39. The next highest South African in the list is current Proteas captain Graeme Smith, who has 22 Test centuries.

Indeed, Harbhajan, speaking at the close, rated Kallis second only to Sachin. He told the Press Trust of India:

“Kallis is in the form of his life. We all know that he has got the record to speak for himself. I would rate him very high. After Tendulkar, I think Kallis is the best cricketer in the world.”

And on the prospects of an India win, he added:

“Kallis and Boucher showed that if you use your brains you can score runs. We need to see off the first hour. We need some firecrackers from Sehwag. If he can take us to 100 for no loss, that will be a good start. The new ball will be crucial.

“It does a bit in the morning, but as the day progresses it gets settled a bit. I don’t know why that is. I would have liked to get wickets later on as well as it would have been good to chase 200. Kallis showed what a big players he is, scoring runs under pressure in difficult conditions...

“It was a great series. When No. 1 and No. 2 play you have great competition. This is what you expect from a series like this. At one stage we thought we would be chasing 200, but now we’re left with 340 to get.

“There have been runs scored, wickets taken. It's better to play in conditions like this where there is something in the bowling all the time. In India, there's nothing for the bowling and people like me go in at No. 7 and can murder the bowling.”

All set, then, for that rarest of treats, going into the last day of a series with all three series and all four match results possible... that’s why, 133 years young, Test cricket remains the greatest sport of all.

• Cricinfo: Live text commentary of day 5 from 0830hrs GMT

For England, this must be just the beginning; for Australia, the next generation must take the stage

2010-12-29T02:09:00.008Z

Melbourne, fourth Test, day 4: Australia 98 and 258 (Haddin 55*; Bresnan 4-50) lost to England 513 by an innings and 157 runs; England lead the series 2-1 and retain the Ashes

ENGLAND wrapped up victory before lunch on the fourth day of the fourth Test to complete a crushing win over Australia and retain the Ashes for the first time in 24 years.

Tim Bresnan, England’s fifth choice seamer at the start of the tour, wrapped up victory with the wicket of Ben Hilfenhaus, caught behind for a duck after Brad Haddin, with an unbeaten half century, and Peter Siddle, out slogging for 20, had shown some belated resolve and stuck around for one-and-a-half hours.

England will now look to win the series by winning or drawing in Sydney, with Australia, possibly much-changed, possibly with a new captain, desparate to avoid what would be only a second home series defeat in 18 years, and a second in three years.

For Australia, the questions asked in the wake of that defeat to South Africa will rear their head, those of humiliation, lack of pride, lack of fight, talent, and will - and a seeming inability to replace the golden generation of Warne, Waugh (both of them), Gilchrist, McGrath, Hayden, Langer and co. who swept all before them.

To the future, too, must look England; in the wake of their 1986/7 win down under, it took them two-and-a-half years to win their next full series, while their 2005 Ashes success was followed by just two Test wins in their next ten, five in their next 18 - cumlinating in the 5-0 whitewash on the last Ashes tour.

While the champagne flows, the plaudits rain down and the Ashes-only fairweather fans shriek their delight, England will know that the job is only half done: this is only the start. A series win in a must, followed by a repeat of the remarkable one day win four years ago, and a decent World Cup.

In Tests, the objective must be to seize the world number one spot - which India and South Africa are going head-to-head for in Durban at the moment - by beating those two teams in the next two home summers. The first XI looks good enough for this task (with only Paul Collingwood failing to contribute); so, too, the back-up players.

For the last word, then, let us hear from Ricky Ponting, whose last Test this may be:

“It’s pretty hard to accept... We haven’t deserved it, that’s the bottom line, haven’t played well enough. It was tough, but wasn’t a 98 all out wicket. They showed us how to bat.

“We can still level the series, which has got to be the motivation for us. Get to Sydney and salvage some pride. We’ve let ourselves down and our supporters down.”

While there’s still fight, and there still is, the Aussies will be a threat - though a win for this mediocre crop of Baggy Greens, many of whom simply aren’t Test-class, a drawn series - especially one in which the same failures conjure up a win - will only delay the inevitable, the need for wholesale change and the handing over of the baton to the next generation.

Not only for their own good (as outlined above) but for the good of their opponents, and for the good of the game, England must administer the coup de grâce and put the once mighty Aussies out of their misery.

• Cricinfo: England seal Ashes with crushing win
• BBC Sport: England clean up tail to retain urn

Tendulkar dedicates Centurion century to his father and says “it’s the hunger which keeps me going”

2010-12-20T15:30:00.002Z

Centurion, first Test, day 5: India 136 and 459 (Tendulkar 111*; Steyn 4-105) lost to South Africa 620/4 dec. by an innings and 25 runs

SACHIN TENDULKAR looked to the heavens as he celebrated becoming the first man to hit 50 Test centuries, dedicating his feat to his father and vowing to carry on terrorising bowlers for as long as he enjoyed it. He was speaking last night before South Africa wrapped up a comprehensive innings victory this morning to take a one-nil lead in the three match series.

India’s second innings score of 459 was the highest ever total in an innings defeat, another record to go with all those he has amassed, and another record from a remarkable Test match that saw India skittled for 136 (Tendulkar top scoring with 36) before South Africa racked up 620 for 4 declared, Jacques Kallis hitting an unbeaten 201, Hashim Amla 140 and AB de Villiers 129.

Though the eyes of English cricket fans will inevitably be on events thousands of miles away in Oz, it would be a mistake to ignore this little contest, in which the top two teams in the world battle it out for the number one spot, England’s next goal once the Ashes are secured.

Back then to Tendulkar, who said after his 50th ton that he was:

“... very happy it came at this moment; yesterday was my father’s birthday and I’d like to dedicate this to him. The first thing obviously I thought of was my father, I wanted to do it for him, this was his birthday, and, other than that, needless to say the support I have received over the years has been just fabulous, so once again thanks to all the people who have supported me.

“I’m playing for the love of it, you know, if I was chasing records I wouldn’t have missed those one day matches in between, but I’ve got to pace myself cleverly and I thought I was not in top physical condition and I needed some break and I requested the board to give me some break, they’ve allowed me to rest in between so that I say fresh, if I was chasing records I wouldn’t have done that, so you know, it’s about producing quality cricket and that's what I want to do.”

He added:

“See every time I go out the country needs me, it’s not that you know we are 200 for 2 and if I don’t score it doesn’t matter. It’s equally important at that time I do something special, and the frame of mind is such that every innings I want to go out and score runs, there hasn’t been a match where I have said OK fine if I get out early that's OK, I've never thought like that. So, you know, it’s extremely important to have that hunger, and it's the hunger which keeps one going, and I'm glad that it's still there...

“I don’t know, I’ve just been batting and enjoying my batting, sometimes, you know, you’re striking the ball really well, and that is when I think you need to cash in as much as possible, I’ve really tried to do that, I've felt that, you know, the last couple of years I was moving well and also the frame of mind as you put it correctly, that, you know, it's a habit, and once you build that habit, it's a good habit to carrry on tours or back home in India as well.”

Watch highlights of his press conference:

So what, then, rate as the best of his 50 100s, graphically illustrated in the context of all 286 of his innings below:

Well, leaving aside his first and 50th, the top three that stand out in my mind are:

3. Perth, February 1992, 114 v Australia

On a lethal pitch at the WACA in 1992, Tendulkar made 114 against an attack that included Craig McDermott and Merv Hughes, scoring the bulk of his runs with square cuts. Years later, speaking Of this innings, his second on his maiden tour of Australia - a monster four-month tour culminating in his first World Cup - and third overall, he would later say:

“That is when I felt that, yes, now I am here to play cricket anywhere in the world, any bowling attack and I am confident enough to tackle them.”

While Wisden recalls:

“India’s bedrock was a captivating 114 from Tendulkar from 161 balls with 16 fours, the bulk of them square cuts. He came in at 69 for two and was ninth out at 240, after 228 minutes, and a record ninth-wicket stand for India against Australia, of 81, with More. On the third morning, as he ran out of partners, he scored his second 50 from 55 balls.”

32. Sydney, January 2004, 241* v Australia

The fourth and final Test of a memorable series Down Under, which finished 1-1 after an incredible encounter at the SCG finished in a highly entertaining draw in Steve Waugh’s last Test. Tendunkar’s 241 not out, combined with VVS Laxman’s 178 India’s saw India to 705 for 7 declared - their highest innings total at the time and tenth highest of all, now the third and 18th highest Test totals respectively. The 353 Tendulkar and Laxman added for the fourth wicket was the fourth highest fourth wicket partnership in Test history, now the fifth.

In the second innings, he hit 60 not out, to complete a memorable series for him and the team. At the time, he described his unbeaten double century as “one of my best”, adding:

“I just decided to keep things simple... I had got out a couple of times to balls bowled outside the off stump, so I decided not to play that stroke [the cover-drive]. They were bowling consistently outside the off stump, and I decided to leave all those balls. Then they had to bowl to me and I used the pace of the ball.

“I would put this innings right at the top of my hundreds. I had a plan and I am happy I could execute it well. I am happy that I was able to maintain the discipline throughout the innings. Things had gone wrong a couple of times with my shot selection, and I knew I had to cut out a few strokes.”

41. Chennai, December 2008, 103* v England

This one, hitting the winning runs in a record-breaking chase to bring up his century less than a month after his home city of Mumbai had been attacked by terrorists, in a game that may not have gone ahead, surely ranks as the greatest of them all.

As I wrote at the time:

“The six-wicket win sparked scenes of wild jubilation amongst the 50,000 fans at the MA Chidambaram stadium in Chennai as well as across the whole of India - none more so than in Tendulkar's home city of Mumbai, where hundreds of people died in the terror attacks of last month.

“Those outrages had put the Test series in doubt, but come England did to resume their tour and play their part in one of the most Incredible Tests in history, laced with feats of individual brilliance, records galore and topped off by one of the most emotional finishes ever.

“‘This is a very, very important 100, right up among the top ones,’ said Tendulkar after hitting the winning runs and bringing up his century with the last shot of the game. ‘This hundred will give a certain amount of happiness to people but what happened in Mumbai, it’s very hard to recover from that.

“‘Cricket is a lesser thing compared to what has happened. Whatever we can contribute, we've been able to do that. We’re right with the people who have lost their dear ones.’”

Concluding:

“This was an innings once and for all to silence all the doubters, those ‘ignoramuses’ as Sunny Gavaskar had described them, all those who believed Sachin lacked bottle, lacked the character for a fight, to lead from the front and finish off a match, working for each run on a tricky last day pitch...

“And hit the winning runs he did, paddle-sweeping Swann round the corner to bring up his 41st Test century, win the match and complete, by some distance, the highest successful fourth innings chase in Asia and the fourth highest anywhere, punching the air in delight as he was lifted up by Yuvraj with the cheers of the crowd ringing in his ears.

“Seldom can the mood of a whole nation have been transformed so quickly by so few, illustrating most vividly the tremendous power of sport, to heal wounds, raise morale and showcase the very best of the human spirit, and in so doing fully justifying the decision to play.

“It may have finished India 1-0 England but the real score was Cricketers 1-0 Terrorists.”

• Cricinfo: Gallery of his 50 Test centuries
• Cricinfo: Celebrating 20 years of Sachin
• December 2009: 20 years of Tendulkar: the stats
• December 2008: Helps India to dramatic win
• October 2008: Helps India thrash Australia
• October 2008: Breaks Test run-scoring record
• July 2007: Little Master looks ahead to Lord’s Test

What is the point of UFC? And could it ruin boxing?

2010-12-12T21:45:00.000Z

ANOTHER weekend, another Saturday night of high octane boxing on both sides of the pond, Nathan Cleverly and James DeGale topping the bill at the Echo Arena in Liverpool, and Amir Khan wowing the Yanks with a brutal points win in Vegas... but with the memory of Fraudley’s embarrasing capitulation and Antonio Margarito’s contemptible cheating still fresh in the mind, does the noble art face a further undermining of its reputation?

I speak of the phenomena that is the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), the vulgar, blood-curdling free-for-all that’s been creeping into the consciousness since its relative mainstreaming at the start of the last decade. As its popularity has grown, on tv, in arenas up and down the land and on games consoles, so too has the number of people taking it up, training in gyms and training alongside proper fighters. And therein lies the problem.

As was illustrated during Cleverly’s less-than-clever points win over unknown Marseillais Nadjib Mohammedi on Merseyside Saturday night. Repeatedly during the fight, an increasingly desperate Cleverly resorted to UFC moves, grappling, gripping blindside of the ref, and chopping down on his opponent's back while in close, with the odd rabbit punch thrown in - for which he was finally docked a point mid-match.

So why, then, is this happening, and will it spread? Well, if Cleverly is sparring with UFCers at Enzo Maccarinelli’s tin hut gym on a hill overlooking Swansea, it should come as no surprise that bad habits will eventually kick in, though thankfully, not yet literally. A gym which, according to Steve Bunce:

“... is worse than gyms I've seen in khazis in Mexico, and in slums in the States, no hot water, not even any running water!”

But if it delivers results, few will care, though many will be alarmed in the UFCisation of boxing continues unabated. Cleverly himself is far from the archetypal boxer, a maths graduate from Cardiff, who had to combine training with studying when he was setting out on the road to stardom. He stands on the brink of being crowned world champion at the age of 23; should Juergen Braehmer fail in his appeal tomorrow against a 16-month prison sentence for assault and insulting behaviour he will be crowned.

Amir Khan’s background is better known, his rise up the ranks better documented, his win overnight more impressive - see for yourself below:

Back, then, to UFC, and the reasons for my dislike of it, and not just for the effect it may have on the real sport. I had the pleasure, if pleasure’s the right word, of watching a night of UFC at Wembley Arena a few years ago, titled “Cage Rage”. It was gory, it was bloody, it was strangely exhilarating, thrilling, exciting, but also repulsive, ignoble and, well, lacked class.

It felt slightly illicit, like a sports speakeasy, like a bare-knuckle den in a Guy Ritchie film - and that, in a nutshell, is what it is, no-holds-barred brutality, anything and everything appeared to be allowed. There are rules - no head butts, no eye gouging, no biting, hair pulling or fish hooking - but it didn’t feel like it ringside. Nor was the fighting itself that enthralling if truth be told, too much grappling, not enough clean hits, no combinations to speak of, just kicks, punches, kicks, slaps, grips and blood, blood and more blood, real blood, not fake rugby blood.

Still, it could be worse I suppose. Unlike real underground fighting, and unlike WWF, the fights don’t appear to be rigged, the competitors look legit, and the crowd don’t all look like crooks. There’s organisation, licensing, and, as I said above, at least notionally there are rules, one of which, rule 29, would have come in handy in the Haye-Harrison ‘fight’:

“Timidity, including, but without limitation, avoiding contact with an opponent, intentionally or consistently dropping the mouthpiece or faking an injury [is a foul].”

UFC still, though, looks like what you get when you throw two drunks into a cage, let them go for it, and to Hell with the consequences... A bar-room brawl in all but name.

• See for yourself: UFC UK official website

AB joins the greats (with a little help from his friends)

2010-11-21T23:28:00.001Z

Abu Dhabi, second Test, day 2: Pakistan 59/1 trail South Africa 584/9 dec. (de Villiers 278*; Tanvir Ahmed 6-120) by 525 runs

AB de VILLIERS broke the South Africa Test batting record today, thanks to the munificence of his captain, whose record he passed, and the tenacity of the tail, with whom he added 243 runs and more than doubled his score from 130 to a record unbeaten 278.

The knock takes de Villiers past some of the best players ever to have represented South Africa. As well as Smith, his score eclipsed Daryll Cullinan, Gary Kirsten and the legendary Graeme Pollock. When Johan Botha was seventh man down, de Villiers could hardly have imagined Dale Steyn, Paul Harris and Morne Morkel reprising their MCG heroics of two years ago to add another 200 - half of which came in a record South African tenth-wicket stand with Morkel.

“It’s a very special day and a very special innings,” said de Villiers, who went past Graeme Smith’s 277 with a single off Umar Gul. He dedicated the feat to his skipper, saying he showed “a lot of class” in allowing him to “push on and to get that record”, while of the heroic tailenders he added:

“All the tailenders that stuck it out with me there today were quite amazing and they were all willing to give me the strike to get to the record... They were all willing to come out there and to put their bodies on the line.

“That even inspired me, to watch Morne and Dale and Harry and all of them getting into line and really taking the knocks for the team.”

Smith, meanwhile, tweeted that, for some unknown reason, he was getting stick for declaring when he did:

“Taking heat tonight on twitter for not letting AB go for 300.#youdefinitelycan'tplseveryone. Always base decision on what's best for team.”

Quite why said muppets were giving him “heat” one doesn’t know nor can comprehend; Michael Atherton Sydney 1994 this was not.

Back to Abu Dhabi 2010, and exactly a week on from the Formula 1 denouement, it was South Africa who again provided the sparks, carrying on as they’d ended day one, flaying the Pakistan attack to all corners, with only Tanvir Ahmed, who finished with a six-for, and Abdur Rehman, who captured two wickets and went for only three an over, causing them any discomfort.

After the declaration, South Africa struck with only the third ball of the innings, Mohammad Hafeez trapped in front to Steyn. Taufeeq Umar and Azhar Ali survived till stumps, Pakistan closing 525 runs behind, still 326 runs from making the Proteas bat again.

What more, then, can be said of de Villiers, the Stan Laurel looky-likey with his goofy smile, mop of ginger hair and puzzled expression. Well, where better to look than to rewind two-and-a-half years to a post I wrote on these very pages in appreciation of the touring AB:

“...AB is no clown. He can bat anywhere in the order, from one through to seven, aggressive opener, middle-order couter-attacker or lower-middle-order battler; he's a great slip fielder and can even keep wicket... and he also likes to bowl medium pacers.

“Like all South Africans, cricket's not all he's good at, his sporting prowess stretching to hockey, where he excelled in his youth, golf, which he plays off scratch, swimming and rugby.”

The ultimate sporting all-rounder, to whose bow we can now add highest Test score by a South African and South Africa one day international wicketkeeper. And he’s only 26!

• Cricinfo: Live text commentary of day 3 from 0600hrs GMT

India’s bowlers share the spoils as Kiwis crawl in series decider

2010-11-21T00:46:00.007Z

Nagpur, third Test, day 1: New Zealand 148/7 (Ryder 59) v India

INDIA'S bowlers shared around the wickets as New Zealand struggled to make progress on the opening day of the final Test of a batsman-dominated series.

Only Jesse Ryder managed to pass 50, with five of the top seven falling for single figures as the Black Caps crawled along at 2.6 an over, Sreesanth, Ishant Sharma, Pragyan Ohja and Harbhajan Singh all tying the batsmen up and all except Harbajhan bagging two wickets apiece.

Not too much to write home about then, save for Sreesanth’s screamer to dismiss Tim McIntosh, sending the opener’s off stump cartwheeling out of the ground, as seen above (supersize it here) and as described in vivid colour by the Cricinfo boys thus:

“McIntosh is castled, he has a befuddled look after being bowled, seam is upright as Sreesanth fires the ball in, pitched off and middle, close to the off stump, enough movement to take the ball between McIntosh's bat and pad and onto off stump, Sreesanth gets his second, the openers are gone, that was a beauty from Sreesanth.”

That and the news from Guangzhou of India’s 3-2 win over Pakistan in the Asian Games hockey to reach the semi-finals. Not as electrifying, perhaps, as the 7-4 win over Pakistan at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi last month, but a win over Pakistan is a win over Pakistan!

Back to the action on the pitch then, and there’s all to play for, a result the most likely possibility after a first day in which ball dominated bat. What chance, then, of Harbhajan scoring another century, following scarecly believable scores of 69 and 115 in Ahmedabad and quite incredible 111 not out in Hyderabad (see above).

Those knocks followed a sequence of nine single figure scores in his previous 11 innings; indeed, his 295 runs in this series, at an average of 147.5, eclipse the sum total of his previous 19 innings, going back two years. In all, he now has the aforementioned centuries, eight other scores over 50 and a further 19 scores above his average (18.6) with 94 innings of 18 or less.

The full picture of Harbhajan’s 123 Test innings to date can be seen below:

Not a bad achievement for a man who spent his first 11 innings at number 11, his back-to-back centuries reminiscent of Anil Kumble’s majestic ton at the Oval three years ago to set up a famous series win.

By Wednesday we’ll know whether his successor as senior spinner has helped set up a similar result.

• Cricinfo: Live text commentary of day 2 from 0400hrs GMT

San Fran-tastic: California dreamers buck the Broncos to light up London

2010-10-31T23:51:00.003Z

NFL, Wembley Stadium:
San Francisco 49ers 24-16 Denver Broncos

A LATE second half surge saw the 49ers follow in the footsteps of the Giants, Saints and Patriots in winning the International Series at Wembley tonight, recording only their second win of the campaign at the halfway stage of the season.

Quarterback Troy Smith was the star of the show, running in from distance and throwing a 30-yard touchdown pass before Frank Gore to seal the win - though the Broncos gave the hosts a late scare, Brandon Lloyd finishing off 78-yard 1 minute 22 second drive just minutes from the end to set up a nervy final two minutes.

Earlier, following a dire first half in which the 49ers led 3-0, Broncos QB Kyle Orton threw a superb, looping pass of 71 yards to Lloyd, leaving the simplest of finishes from a yard out to lead 7-3, soon extended to 10-3 before the fourth quarter drama, including a rare missed conversion for the Broncos and thoughts of an even rarer two-pointer to level at the death.

As well as the missed extra point for Denver, the 49ers hit the post with a field goal attempt from distance, while the Broncos had two touchdowns disallowed - one following a neat exchange of passes and throw, the other right at the very end after a surging run from deep.

The occasion itself was, as always, immense, though less so than before; as each year passes, as the novelty wears, the frippery lessens, the build up shortens, so it feels more and more like just another regular season game.

The crowds were out in force though, the ground packed, the atmosphere buzzing, fans sporting the colours of each franchise out in force, side-by-side, though this year the proportion of home fans was greater, as was the the number of genuine Americans.

For Wembley, however, the organisers once again failed to deliver. How is it possible for the caterers to have run out of ketchup? How, three-and-a-half years after opening, are the queues for the bars and food outlets so damn long? Why are the cashiers unable to count? (Or speak English?!)

Quite what our guests from across the pond think of this shambles is anyone's guess. And what about the cost? £4.30 for a pint, £7.60 for chicken and chips, £1.00 for a packet of crisps... And £10 for a programme.

Before the game, the expectation, excitement and intensity remain on a par with the past three years, with the tailgate party this year surpassing those of the past two, open to all ticket holders, and displaying all five 49ers Super Bowl trophies in the SF hall of fame.

The tailgate is a concept alien to England, yet in the States, it’s part of the pre-match entertainment. Could it work at soccer (sorry, but to avoid confusion let’s call it that for now!), or will it merely enable the hard cases to get more drunk? After all, for a soccer game at Wembley, you wouldn’t have opposing fans sitting in the same blocks, drinking freely in their seats.

One always seems to learn a new rule or two from these occasions; this year, it was the idea of the aforementioned two-point conversion, in which the offence has to run the ball home from two yards out just as with a TD - a play that has a success rate of only about 50 per cent, significantly lower than kicking.

And the setting? Magnificent as always, with a scale model of the Golden Gate bridge in the shadow of the arch, and under a giant image of a footballer. The 49ers won’t be in with a chance of bringing home the gold this year, and on this evidence, neither will the Broncos.

• Highlights tonight on BBC One at 11:35

Catches win matches. Fact

2010-08-17T20:25:00.004+01:00

The Oval, third Test: England v Pakistan (18-22 August)

ON THE eve of the third Test, as Pakistan digest the blow of losing wicket keeper Zulqarnain Haider - and the forced recall of Calamity Kamran - the team face the very real prospect of a four-nil whitewash with defeat in the London Tests this week and next.

To win a Test, you need a bit of luck (the luck of the toss), helpful conditions (weather, the track) and you need the decisions to go your way - and then there are the factors you can control - you need to be disciplined, settled, in the right state mentally and physically, and you need to take your chances: catches win matches, as a simple scroll through the archive of the two Tests to date will attest.

Pakistan have dropped 11 catches in the series so far (compared to England's four) for the addition of 197 runs - exactly one in five of all runs scored by England thus far. The most shocking attack of the butter fingers occurred in England's first innings at Edgbaston, with six chances going begging - three of them off Kevin Pietersen.

Here is the roll of shame in full (commentary from our friends at Cricinfo):

First Test

First innings

4.3 Mohammad Amir to Strauss, no run, dropped! Kamran, what have you done? Perfect outswinger from Aamer, Strauss edges and Akmal puts down the simplest of chances. Kamran kept so well against Australia - relatively speaking, anyway - but this is the worst possible start for him against England.
Strauss on 15; goes on to make 45

94.5 Mohammad Amir to Morgan, no run, dropped! Farhat lets a regulation chance to slip go begging! Aamer did well to find the edge of Morgan's bat once again. This time the edge carried to the slips, where Farhat had set himself in the perfect position to take it... but didn't! That could be another costly lapse for Pakistan, and one really feels for Aamer.
Morgan on 129; makes 130

Second innings

36.5 Anderson to Shoaib Malik, no run, oooh, dropped, it was a very tough chance, England persisting with two slips, despite the dreamy bowling conditions, and it found a thickish outside edge which Swann had to dive a long way to his right with one hand, he held it but lost control as his body hit the ground. Would have been a dolly for a third slip.
Malik on 35; makes 38

Third innings

22.4 Umar Gul to Collingwood, no run, oh no! Kamran has gone from hero back to zero! Dropped! After just pulling off a stunner he's put Collingwood down first ball, it was wide, Collingwood flashed a cut and edges it towards first slip, Akmal flew across and dropped the chance.
Collingwood on 0; makes 1

Second Test

First innings

30.3 Broad to Umar Amin, no run, dropped! Broad swings one from leg to off and a thick edge from Amin flies to second slip, where Graeme Swann puts down what he certainly should have taken.
Umar Amin on 10; makes 23

Second innings

15.5 Mohammad Asif to Trott, no run, first slip drops a sitter! That was a gentle, regulation chance. Thick edge, it went to Farhat at the perfect catching height and wasn't travelling too quickly either. "An absolute dolly," says Bumble, and that's what it was! Inexplicable, and no reward for Asif's wonderful bowling.
Trott on 8, makes 55

21.6 Saeed Ajmal to Pietersen, FOUR, dropped at mid-on! Pietersen skipped down the track and tried to loft down the ground, the ball came off the toe of the bat and didn't get up, looping towards mid-on... where Umar Gul made a half-hearted attempt to take the catch, but ended up just palming the ball away. Not great cricket with the bat or in the field...
Pietersen on 9; makes 80

26.1 Umar Gul to Pietersen, no run, oh no! Dropped by Haider! Almost identical to Pietersen's second-innings dismissal at Trent Bridge, length ball outside off stump, Pietersen tried to force it through cover and got a big inside edge, Haider dived down the leg side but spilled the chance. Bring back Kamran Akmal!
Pietersen on 20; makes 80

36.3 Mohammad Amir to Pietersen, no run, another big appeal! This time for lbw as this comes back from off stump and they again decide not to review. Took an inside edge, otherwise that was out...actually it's dropped. Oh dear, gully ran in and made a half-hearted effort to take it. That really was the easiest catch you'll see, but he didn't seem bothered.
Pietersen on 36; makes 80

75.4 Saeed Ajmal to Swann, no run, dropped by Hameed at slip! It was full, took the edge and went at a regulation catching height to slip, who just put it down! Ajmal looks as though that's really hurt his feelings. Another chance goes begging for Pakistan.
Swann on 0; makes 4

81.2 Saeed Ajmal to Swann, no run, Salman Butt has dropped an absolute sitter at mid-off! It was another switch-hit from Swann, but he didn't execute it well at all, and the ball lobbed gently towards Butt... but he put it down! Inexplicable.
Swann on 4; makes 4

Third innings

19.5 Anderson to Imran Farhat, no run, dropped well, would you believe it, Paul Collingwood has shelled one at third slip. He had to move to his right a touch, it was quite low but you'd expect him to swallow those. Farhat pushed hard outside off, a good line from Anderson and a rare blemish from England.
Farhat on 15; makes 29

Fourth innings

7.3 Saeed Ajmal to Strauss, no run, dropped, the keeper has shelled one. Strauss forces off the back foot and it's a big edge, was a very tough chance.
Strauss on 10; makes 53 not out

24.4 Saeed Ajmal to Strauss, 1 run, dropped by Haider! It was another tough one - not quite as hard as the last one that went down - but a thick edge that found the edge of Haider's glove but burst through and looped over the slips!
Strauss on 38; makes 53*

To have any chance, especially away from home against a major power like England, you need to be on top in the majority of sessions in all disciplines. The bowling attack can be brilliant at times, witness the blowing away of Australia for 88 earlier this summer, yet they have been badly, badly let down by their fielding unit, both against the Aussies and as illustrated above, against England.

And as for their batting? They've only topped 300 three times in their past 19 innings, and not once in eight innings this tour, skittled for 148, 289, 258, 182, 80, 72, 296 and chasing down 180 for the loss of seven wickets against Australia at Headingley. Still, at least they've got Mohammad Yousuf back in the side; if he can recapture his form of that glorious summer of '06, Pakistan could yet pull this one out of the flames.

• Thursday, November 30, 2006: Yousuf bats his way to immortality

Neutral Tests should just be the start - we need a World Test Championship

2010-07-27T18:50:00.002+01:00

WRITING on Cricinfo, UK editor Andrew Miller says that, despite poor turnouts, the Pakistan-Australia series was a success which will hopefully herald more neutral Tests in the future. Spot on; the prospect of India taking on Pakistan next year in England, simply delicious!

On the point about the poor turnouts, though 43,000 pre-sold tickets at Lord’s is indeed “not a figure to be sniffed at”, it could have been so much higher, if only (and this is a point overlooked by Andrew and all but one of the commenters) there had been a full weekend’s play at either venue, especially at Lord’s.

The ECB’s haphazard start times and starting days of Tests - no doubt at the behest of Sky - have robbed Lord’s of a full Saturday’s play too often recently. Last year against the West Indies the first Test, which began on a Wednesday, was over in three days, while this year’s Australia-Pakistan contest, which even more ludicrously started on a Tuesday, was wrapped up by 3 on the Friday.

Granted, itineraries are more packed, the one day beast is in the ascendancy and tv lucre must be paid heed, but, unless you’re planning on playing back-to-back-to-back Test matches, there’s no reason why Tests can’t start Thursday then Friday. It makes commercial sense, it makes cricketing sense, and, above all else, it makes common sense.

To the action then - how good was it to see Pakistan return to some kind of form, winning their first Test against Australia for 15 years - and following a succession of 13 straight defeats to the Aussies and a run of just one win in 18 against all comers. A complete contrast to their recent international twenty20 record.

In Mohammad Asif and Mohammad Aamer they appear to have unearthed a pair of genuine stars for the future. The way they ripped through the Aussie top order on Wednesday morning, reducing them to their lowest total for 26 years, was sublime.

For the boys in baggy green, however, questions remain with bat and especially ball; for the second game running, opener and part time medium pacer Shane Watson bagged a five-for, to go alongside Marcus North’s 6-55 in the fourth innings at Lord’s. Watson and North took 17 wickets, the main quartet only 19 between them.

In terms of neutral Tests generally, it would be a fantastic idea. We’ve had many a neutral one-dayer in this country, hopefully we will have again, with the reintroduction of triangular one day series in the future.

And why not a triangular Test series, as happened 98 years ago - or better still, how about a World Test championship?! The case for which I outlined two years ago...

• Cricinfo: Pakistan v Australia series home

The show must go on... and what a show it promises to be!

2010-06-28T11:47:00.003+01:00

FEAR not, sports fans, for the world has not come to an end; yes, it’s disappointing England didn’t make it to the quarter-finals, but it’s not all doom and gloom - Messi, Tevez and the boys showed how the game should be played last night, and today, Brasil and der Nederlanden take to the stage.

Kaka, Luis Fabiano, Sneijder, van Persie... goals, flair, class, finesse... everything England aren’t.

So don’t be sad, don the brilliant yellow or oranje, marvel at the sexy football and the Samba soccer, look forward to the next two weeks and enjoooooooooy! :P

• Sudáfrica 2010: Updated World Cup wallchart - minus England

Bloemfontein or bust as England take the hard road to Johannesburg

2010-06-26T14:16:00.002+01:00

THE old cliché “there’s no easy games in international football” is too often trotted out when facing the likes of Algeria or Slovenia, yet for England to win the World Cup that simple line couldn’t be truer: in the next fifteen days, they will most likely have to beat Germany; Argentina; Spain or Portugal; and then Brazil - only one of whom, Spain in the quarter-finals of Euro ’96, have they knocked-out of a major finals since 1966.

First up, then, are Germany, and though almost everyone will be highlighting the semi-final shoot-out defeats at Italia ’90 and at Wembley in 1996, England’s more recent record against Jogi Löw’s boys is a bit more impressive, winning 2-1 in Berlin one-and-a-half years ago, with at least half the starting XI that night set to feature tomorrow. Also in England’s favour is the style of the new-look Germany, playing with more flair yet less teutonic in defence; don’t expect a nil-all draw, if it goes to penalties it’ll more likely be after a 2-2 or 3-3 scoreline.

After Germany, come Mexico or Argentina, the form team in South Africa, Messi, Tevez and Higuaín taking apart Nigeria, South Korea and Greece with ease. Even Verón’s looking good, and Maradona’s been acting quite sane, the hilarious tiffs with Beckenbauer and Pelé aside.

Then, in the semi-finals, England will have to face Paraguay, Japan, Spain or Portugal. Spain have improved since their opening game defeat to Switzerland, though look shaky at the back, with the seven-goal Portugese both the joint top-scorers and possessing the meanest defence. Look for Ronaldo and co to shade it on Tuesday night, battle past Paraguay or Japan next Saturday and to (hopefully) face England Wednesday week.

In the final at the 84,490-capacity Soccer City stadium in Johannesburg on Sunday July 11th, the winners of England’s half of the draw will face Brazil, for whom the draw, as if by magic, has opened up, or at a stretch the Netherlands, who always seem to look great in qualifying and turn on the style in the group stages yet have failed to perform in the knock-out rounds in recent years, losing to Portugal (twice) and Russia in their last three tournaments.

The last time England won the World Cup, “Out Of Time” by Chris Farlowe was number one in the charts...

...they’ll be hoping that’s the one thing they don’t run out of over the next four games as they strive to end 44 years of hurt and rush home the gold from South Africa.

• Sudáfrica 2010: Updated World Cup wallchart

ITV are ruining the World Cup (and so are the teams)

2010-06-16T23:30:00.007+01:00

JUST when they thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse for team ‘Football United’ - as ITV Sport like to call themsleves - so it did with this morning’s red tops leading on the sacking of ‘pundit’ Robbie Earle for palming off 150 World Cup tickets in contravention of FIFA rules.

The headlines were vintage Sun: “Tout of Africa”; and Mirror: “Earley bath”; while FIFA’s ‘source’ was just, well, FIFA, with the startling observation that the three-dozen leggy broads who had managed to lay their hands on his tickets “didn’t look like his family or friends”.

Just imagine if it had been a certain BBC analyst caught out; ‘Garth Crook!’ they’d scream...

Earle-gate follows the complete f*ck-up on Saturday when viewers of ITV HD missed England’s goal and were instead treated to a Hyundai advert, just as ITV had cut away to an ad-break in the middle of an FA Cup tie 16 months ago, missing Dan Gosling’s dramatic late winner for Everton against Liverpool with penalties beckoning.

The thing is, we’ve almost come to expect this from ITV Sport: it’s all about sponsorship, endorsements and making money. And to what ends? To keep Adrian Chiles in pies?!

But it isn’t just Chilesy who’s got on my tits lately, Clive Tyldesley really, really irked me last night during the Brazil-North Korea match, in which he screamed out loud that Maicon’s goal “came off the keeper... must’ve been deflected off the keeper... a really lucky deflection”, thus ruining the moment.

As you’ll no doubt have seen, and can see again below, the best goal of South Africa 2010 went clean in (try not to smash the screen when you hear Tyldesley’s shrieks):

There’s also Kevin Keegan, who described England’s performance against the USA as “brilliant” and said we “should have won 4-1”; not that we should’ve been surprised of course, given his “I’d love if we beat them, love it” rant and punditry during France ’98, saying “only one team’s gonna win now” - following Michael Owen’s equaliser against Romania - and, when asked if David Batty would score in the shoot-out against Argentina, screaming “yes!”.

Then, there’s fatty Corden. Enough. Said.

However, in the interests of balance, let me remind you that the BBC haven’t had a flawless World Cup themselves... :P

Back to the Robbie Earle story, and the whole ambush marketing angle with the orange-clad blondes promoting Dutch brewers Bavaria, and we get on to the subject of the increasing commercialisation and ‘official commercial partners’, ‘official event partners’, ‘official global partners’ that pop up at the biggest sporting events.

In 2004, during the ICC Champions Trophy, the powers that be even went as far as to ban spectators from taking in packs of the wrong kind of crisps or soft drink or wearing the wrong coloured t-shirt. Though they relaxed the insane regulations through the course of the tournament, the damage had been done, with cricket fans afraid of bringing Walkers crisps or Coca-Cola cans into the ground.

Still, at least today provided us with the first major shock of the World Cup, Spain falling to Switzerland, even though the day ended disappointingly with South Africa getting thumped by Uruguay. We can but hope the tournament, and ITV’s coverage, improve dramatically over the next 25 days.

• World Cup 2010 wallchart

The Kaiser kicks ass!

2010-06-15T01:30:00.004+01:00

FRANZ BECKENBAUER, perhaps irked by being dissed by Diego Maradona the other night, has laid into England, labelling them a “kick and rush” team and claiming they had gone “backwards” under Fabio Capello.

Quite extraordinary! And possibly quite true, if we’re being brutally honest with ourselves. Aside from the two stunning victories over Croatia, it’s difficult to remember an England performance over the past two years that really set the pulse racing - we’ve certainly not seen it in the run up to South Africa and we sure as hell didn’t see it against the States on Saturday.

Germany, by contrast, were brilliant on Sunday, swatting away Australia with ease, with four of their five strikers scoring; forget what you think you know about Germany, they’re exciting to watch, a vibrant, young team capable of going all the way, free scoring, ego-less and used to playing with each other.

In their last three World Cup openers they’ve scored 8 (against Saudi Arabia en route to the final eight years ago), 4 (against Costa Rica in the scintillating curtain-raiser in Munich four years ago) and now four against the Aussies, while racking up the goals in the 2005 Confederations Cup, Euro 2008 and their near-perfect 2010 qualification campaign.

On the eve of the tournament, Germany manager Joachim Loew called on his players to “humiliate” opponents - that they have done and will hope to do again, against Serbia on Friday and Ghana next Wednesday, and if England aren’t careful, against them a week on Sunday.

Back to the present, and today sees the turn of New Zealand, Slovakia, Côte d'Ivoire, Portugal, North Korea and the big ones, everyone’s favourite, favourite team, Brasil, take the stage.

Here’s a little reminder of what the Samba Boys can offer:

France ’98, those were the days! (Pre 9/11 of course, if you tried that this summer you’d likely be renditioned...)

♫ Ô Ariá! Raiô!
Obá! Obá! Obá!
Ô, Ô Ô Ô Ô Ariá! Raiô!
Obá! Obá! Obá!...

♬ Mas Que Nada
Sai da minha frente
Que eu quero passar
Pois o samba está animado
E o que eu quero é sambar...

♫ Esse samba
Que é misto de maracatu
Samba de Preto Velho
Samba de Preto Tutú..

♬ Mas Que Nada
Um samba como este tão legal
Você não vai querer
Que eu chegue no final...

♫ Ô, Ô Ô Ô Ô Ariá! Raiô!
Obá! Obá! Obá!...(2x)

♬ Ô Mas Que Nada!
Ô Mas Que Nada!
Ô Mas Que Nada!
Ô Mas Que Nada!
Esse samba é gostoso
Essa dança é danada
Ô Mas Que Nada!
Ô Mas Que Nada!
Esse samba é gostoso
Essa dança é danada...

♫ Esse samba
Que é misto de maracatu
Samba de Preto Velho
Samba de Preto Tutú..

♬ Mas Que Nada
Um samba como este tão legal
Você não vai querer
Que eu chegue no final...

♫ Ô, Ô Ô Ô Ô Ariá! Raiô!
Obá! Obá! Obá!...(2x)

♬ Obá! Obá! Obá!
Obá! Obá! Obá!
Obá! Obá! Obá!...

♫ Mas Que Nada!

Vuvu-howler

2010-06-13T11:14:00.007+01:00

Rustenburg, World Cup, Group C: England 1-1 USA

ENGLAND fluffed a number of chances in the wake of Robert Green’s fluffed save, lucky to end a disappointing display with a 1-1 draw.

Following a dream start, in which Steven Gerrard needed all of four minutes to put England on the board - latching on to Emile Heskey’s well-placed reverse pass - England allowed the US back in to the game four minutes from hal-time when Green spilled Clint Dempsey’s speculative long-range shot.

Green, however, redeemed himself 20 minutes into the second half, tipping Jozy Altidore’s fierce strike onto the post to safety, with Heskey, who smashed the ball straight at Tim Howard when clean through, and Shaun Wright-Phillips, who should have lashed the ball left-footed - à la Siphiwe Tshabalala’s thunderbolt in the opener - but instead tried to place it right-footed.

Watch highlights of the game below:

So once again questions are being asked over England’s number one, a position even Fabio Capello seems unsure of, leaving it to two hours before kick off to reveal his first choice, and let’s be honest, it isn’t a great choice: Green, David James (who always has an error in him) or the untried Joe Hart.

Looking back through history, from 1966 onwards (and probably even before) seldom has a World Cup been won without a keeper at the top of his game, a cert between the sticks and more often than not the number one goalkeeper in the world - even when won by the attack-oriented Brazilians.

Banks, Félix, Maier, Fillol, Zoff, Pumpido, Ilgner, Taffarel, Barthez, Marcos, Buffon... a line of names to which it’s impossible to see Green, James or Hart added. Ditto the Euros, where the winning keepers since 1980 have been Schumacher, Bats, van Breukelen, Schmeichel, Köpke, Barthez, Nikopolidis and Casillas.

Last night offered further proof that, without a number one number one England will struggle to be the number ones.

• World Cup 2010 wallchart

South Africa puts its Left Foot Forward

2010-06-12T00:52:00.006+01:00

AS seen at yesterday’s opening ceremony!

And in terms of what happened on the pitch (once it’d been cleared up of course), well, South Africa came within a post’s width of winning it, though a lively 1-1 draw isn’t the end of the world, especially given France’s dire goalless bore against Uruguay later that night:

This afternoon we get our first glimpse of Messi, as Argentina do battle with Nigeria, before the big one, England v the USA, tonight in Rustenburg at 7:30. The talking’s over, it’s time for Diego and then Fabio’s boys to show the world what they can do.

Friday may not have been as memorable as Germany ’06 or USA ’94's opening days, but for the Bafana Bafana it’s a day they’ll never forget.

• South African Football Association
• World Cup 2010 wallchart

It’s time!

2010-06-11T14:18:00.001+01:00

ONE country. One trophy. One world. One winner.

May the best men win.

Look out for the Afghans!

2010-06-06T22:12:00.001+01:00

THOUGH they failed to produce any shocks at the World Twenty20 last month - beaten comprehensively by India and South Africa - and missed out on the 2011 World Cup, Afghanistan looks set to be the next cricketing nation to emerge.

In last year’s qualifying tournament, they finished a creditable sixth, narrowly losing out to Canada, Kenya, Holland and winners Ireland - a performance good enough for them to be granted full one day international status.

The war-torn nation, which is painfully, slowly, but surely on the road to normalisation, thanks in part to British troops and our former prime minister Tony Blair, is using sport as a means to heal. Where Iraq, the other nation recently liberated by western troops, had football - reaching the semi-finals of the 2004 Olympic Games, beating Portugal en route - so Afghanistan has cricket.

And the reason for my random highlighting of this fact? A net session at Regent’s today, five hours’ worth, for the final part of which we were joined by a 17-year-old Afghan (that’s 17 by Asian date-counting standards!) and boy could this boy play!

As Peter Roebuck explained so eloquently in a recent Cricinfo article titled ‘Cricket in the world’:

“Our sport must embrace the environment it belongs to, engage with it, and move with the times. Cricket’s primary task over the last 30 or so years has been to move beyond its historic and geographic confines and to take its place in a broader, more difficult, less governable and much richer world...

“Geography offers hope. Cricket’s attempt to spread beyond its small picket of committed nations is commendable. Only then will it mature into an international sport and escape its colonial confines. Of course, the attempt might fail. Is hardly to be expected that Test cricket will suddenly be embraced by the newcomers. But the ICC is right to try.

“Moreover Twenty20 provides the vehicle. It has all the ingredients it needs to attract converts. And the benefits of a widening game would be wide, wresting the game from its colonial and post-colonial limitations.

“All the more reason to welcome the breakthroughs in Afghanistan, Nepal, Argentina and other countries with so much to offer. Cricket cannot keep talking to itself but rather must start fresh conversations.

“Rugby has been better blessed, with the rise of the Italians and Romanians offering hope. Cricket needs that same involvement.”

It’s time for the whole world to play up, play up and play the game.

• The Rise Of Cricket In Afghanistan
• Afghanistan Cricket board homepage

Bangladesh bowlers finally show their class

2010-06-04T20:52:00.007+01:00

Manchester, second Test, day 1:
England 275/5 (Bell 87*, Pietersen 64; Shafiul 2-37) v Bangladesh

Bangladesh built on their impressive performance in the first Test at Lord’s with another decent display of Test match cricket to leave the second Test even after the first day in Manchester, restricting England to a scoring rate of only 3.3 runs per over when bad light and then rain curtailed the day’s play.

Ian Bell continued his fine run against Bangladesh - his current average against them is 197.3 - but it was Kevin Pietersen who once again stole the day’s headlines, pinging the ball to all corners after a slow start. KP struck 28 runs off his last 15 balls, including a wonderful six off Abdur Razzak, before getting himself stumped dancing down the track and completely misreading the spin.

However, it was Bangladesh’s bowlers who’ll feel happiest, picking up where their batsmen left off; unrecognisable in attitude and outlook from the nervy XI who took to the field in the country’s inaugural Test on these shores five years ago, they once more performed like a genuine Test attack, as they’d done on the second day at Lord’s the Friday before. Shafiul Islam bagged two wickets, conceding just 37 runs from his 14 overs, with Shahadat Hossain, Shakib Al Hasan and Abdur Razzak taking one apiece

bowling & batting this calendar year shows a marked improvement with the bat if not the ball" src="http://www.freewebs.com/shamik-das-5/Pictures/Bangladesh-Test-record-2010.gif" width="97.5%" alt="Bangladesh-Test-record-2010">

Were Bangladesh to see it through, and there’s no reason to believe they will, it’ll be the fourth time in seven Tests this year they’d have taken all ten first innings wickets - the challenge, though, is to make inroads in the second innings. So far this year, their second innings hauls have been 8, 0, 5, 7, 1 and 2.

This contrasts sharply with their batting displays; in four of their six Tests this year, Bangladesh’s second innings score has exceeded their first - with only one of those instances, the game at Lord’s, involving them following-on. Bangladesh’s match aggregates have been particularly impressive of late.

As Cricinfo points out, three of their five highest match totals have come this year: their Lord’s aggregate (664) was their fifth-highest in a Test match;, the 690 against New Zealand in Hamilton in February was higher still and their highest (704) was against England in Dhaka earlier this year.

In the field they have also improved, evidenced by Jahurul Islam stunning leap to hold on to an Eoin Morgan cut to backward point, stopping Morgan in his tracks as he threatened to let fly, pegging England back at 223 for 4.

With Old Trafford once again looking like a spinner’s paradise, and Bangladesh’s spin team outnumbering England’s lone offie Graeme Swann, the Tigers look well placed to give England more of a test.

• Test Match Special: Live ball-by-ball audio commentary
• Cricinfo: Live text commentary of the second day’s play

Finn cuts through Tigers’ tail as England seal victory

2010-05-31T20:11:00.003+01:00

Lord’s, first Test, day 5:
England 163/2 (Strauss 82) & 505 beat Bangladesh 382 (Junaid Siddique 74; Finn 5-87) & 282 by eight wickets

England wrapped up victory on the stroke of tea this afternoon with a KP cameo after first Stephen Finn and then Andrew Strauss extinguished Bangladesh’s hopes of salvaging a draw. Finn dismissed Shakib Al Hasan, Junaid Siddique and Mushfiqur Rahim before Tim Bresnan took out Mahmudullah and Rubel Hossain to leave England needing 160 off 70 overs to win - but with clouds menacing overhead.

That they reached it without troubling the light meters was down to Strauss’s untypically-swift 82 off 88 balls to add to his first innings 83, aided by steady contributions from Alastair Cook (23), Jonathan Trott (36*) and a final flourish from Pietersen, with ten runs in nine minutes.

Earlier, over lunch, the crowd were allowed on the pitch for the first time in an international at Lord’s since the 2001 NatWest series final between Australia and Pakistan, at the end of which Michael Bevan was hit on the face by a can of beer, and since when crowd incursions in England have been banned.

The fabulous gesture saw MCC chief executive Keith Bradshaw awarded the Test Match Special ‘champagne moment’ award, beating Finn, Trott - who scored a double-century and took his first Test wicket - and Tamim Iqbal, scorer and celebrator of one of the most exciting centuries Old Father Time has seen.

England’s win, comfortable enough in the end, was only their third Lord’s victory in the past five years, and the fifth time in their last nine Tests on this ground that they had failed to turn enforcement of the follow-on into innings victory; in three of those Tests, the fourth innings never even got started.

The teams now head to Manchester for the second Test, with England confident of a 2-0 victory and Bangladesh, pride restored, knowing their bowlers need to match the standard set by their batsmen to have any chance of squaring the series.

• Cricinfo: England v Bangladesh first Test scorecard
• Second Test: Old Trafford, June 4-8

England made to pay for lack of respect

2010-05-31T01:07:00.003+01:00

Lord’s, first Test, day 4: Bangladesh 328/5 (Tamim Iqbal 103, Imrul Kayes 75, Junaid Siddique 66*) & 282 (Anderson 4-78) lead England 505 by 105 runs

TWO late wickets with the new ball saw England snatch probable victory from the tiger-fanged jaws of an unthinkable draw yesterday.

Mohammad Ashraful and Shahadat Hossain fell in the last five overs to hand the initiative back to England after a day in which Bangladesh’s batsmen dominated a directionless, insipid attack about which serious questions will be asked.

Victorious World Twenty20 captain Paul Collingwood and Stuart Broad were rested for this match, which the England management, fans and even players regarded as an unwanted diversion from more lucrative and challenging future competitions. It is an attitude unlikely to rear its head again.

And it’s not just Bangladesh the England establishment are failing to respect - Pakistan appear to be playing second-fiddle to the following winter’s battles. Writing in the match programme, MCC chief executive Keith Bradshaw said England “will want a strong showing in the summer to prepare for the Ashes...”

Never mind the need to put on a good show in the six Tests before then, it’s all about the Ashes; certainly, there’s no way Kevin Pietersen, for example, will have been allowed to loll about with the crowd (above left) or sulk around with his hands in his pockets (above right) for a Test agains South Africa or Australia, but for Bangladesh, cricketing etiquette seemingly goes out the window.

England, then, maybe needed to be punished - and Bangladesh took full advantage, scoring 373 runs for the loss of only eight wickets in 96 overs and one ball of some of the best Test cricket Bangladesh have ever played.

Resuming on 237/7, still 69 runs short of avoiding the follow-on, Bangladesh threw caution to the wind, Shahadat in particular swinging the willow, racing to 20 runs off 17 balls before being bowled off his foot by James Anderson, leaving Mahmudullah, Rubel Hossain and Robiul Islam to take them to within 24 runs of the target.

Until the final few overs, for England, that was about as good as it got, Bangladesh’s openers turning on the style, as they had done on Friday, chasing down the bat-again mark and doing so beautifully, with brave, aggressive batting and barely a false shot in sight.

The star of the show, the deep, red circle of energy in the bottle green field was Tamim Iqbal, scorer of the fastest Lord’s Test century in 20 years, his name etched on the honours board, the first from his country to score a century at Lord’s - and boy did he celebrate, skipping into the air, outlining an imaginary board and writing his name on it.

Tamim, eventually out for 103 from exactly 100 balls, was soon joined in the Pavilion by Imran Kayes - also dismissed by Stephen Finn - for 75, off a more sedate though no less impressive 147 balls. The strike rate and strokeplay of Tamim, and to a lesser extent Imran, was on a different par to that normally associated with Tests.

In one Graeme Swann over - his first of the day - the crowd were treated to Tamim smashing six, four and six off successive deliveries, all genuine shots, all cheered to the boundary by the sparse but enthusiastic 8,000-odd crowd.

Once the openers went, within four overs and for the addition of four runs, numbers 3 and 4, Junaid Siddique (66*) and Jahurul Islam (46) rebuilt, adding 100 runs for the third wicket before England’s late show shook things up: Jonathan Trott, England’s first innings double centurion, caught and bowled Jahurul in the 73rd over; Mohammad Ashraful was next out for a breezy 21, caught behind off Anderson; and Tim Bresnan re-arranged Shahadat’s stumps 10 balls from the close.

With no rain forecast tomorrow and another 98 overs possible, England look odds-on to chase down whatever fourth innings target is set them. Bangladesh, having played better in the past few days than even their most fervent believers could have expected, will hope to emerge with a draw, but regardless of the result, will leave with heads held high and their Test status assured.

• Day 5 tickets: £10 for adults, free for over-65s & under-16s
• Cricinfo: Follow the action live if you’re unable to make it

Who ate all the Mars bars?

2010-05-24T22:07:00.002+01:00

FANTASTIC article from Martin Kelner in this morning’s Guardian on the preponderance of preposterous pre-World Cup adverts on our screens at the moment, from Graham Taylor’s hawking of flat screen TVs - and quite why anyone, anyone would be guided by turnip Taylor on their choice of TV set is anyone’s guess (whatever next, Steve McClaren selling life insurance? In a mockney Dutch/Northern accent?!) - to El Tel’s crooning and the new Nike advert, which premiered during the Champions League Final.

But alas, no mention of the best of them all, one of the few ads which upon viewing you can think “I quite fancy one of those, I’ll just pop down t’shop and but one”; the most nostalgic ad on our screens, Barnsey’s reprise of World in Motion, complete with cassette tape and old-skool tape recorder (one for younger readers to Wiki I’m sure) - and one in which the honorary Scouser seems to have put on a few pounds, and I’m not just talking about his bank balance.

So what more can we expect to see over the coming days till kick off? Another Pizza Hut advert in which Gareth Southgate, Stuart Pearce and Chris Waddle cash in on their inability to score from 12 yards; another Little Britain meets Fabio Capello Nationwide ad, maybe with the tubby Weight Watchers mentalist barking orders at the boys or the prime minister’s gay assistant Sebastian protecting the gaffer from those nasty hacks; or perhaps John Terry and Wayne Bridge... nope, that’s tooooooo improbable!

Well, anyway, for old times’ sake, here’s the original Anfield rap; so kick back, cast your minds back and reminisce about the last time England genuinely came close to winning the World Cup:

The memoriez, the memoriez...

Apologies for the typo!

2010-05-20T09:28:00.004+01:00

BUT it seems I’m not the only one...

No excuses, but hey! :)

• Left Foot Forward: Politics summary, sans typos

The gentry have landed

2010-05-12T11:58:00.004+01:00

DON’T CHA just love being ruled by the pair of toffs above? It’s just like being back in the 19th century!

Welcome to the new world, the party of old Etonians and a party with no blacks or Asians, ruling us all with not a woman to be seen.

Still, at least Nicholas, Davey boy and Gideon all had fun over dinner last night; until...

Not what you expected when you voted Liberal Democrat? Voted Sarah and got Gideon? Failed to heed the warnings that only Labour could keep out the Tories? Wanna do something about it?

Well, it’s simple! Sign up to the only progressive party left in British politics: call 08705 900 200 or join online.

Together we can smash the Fib-Con alliance.

• Labour: For the many, not the few; for Britain not Bullingdon

Choose hope, choose fairness, choose equality: Choose Labour

2010-05-05T22:00:00.001+01:00

THE Tory inheritance tax plans will give millions to each of the 3,000 richest estates in the country - including 90 per cent of David Cameron’s shadow cabinet - while at the same time taking £6 billion out of the economy and slashing child tax credits for ordinary families.

Cameron says he’s for everyone, whatever their background, whatever their wealth, whatever their circumstance; yet his policies say otherwise. If you aren’t rich - and I mean rich - married, have kids at private school, have private health insurance and private security, be afraid, be very afraid. He doesn’t care about you or your families.

Education, police, health: cut, cut, cut. And to what end? To give a tax break to the “right kind of people”, those Cameron approves of. Their inheritance tax and marriage tax plans are among the most regressive in history. On inheritance tax, Cameron and Osborne will, literally, take from the poor to give to the super rich.

Don’t let them do it, don’t risk the recovery. If you want a Britian in which everyone can achieve their potential, in which no one is looked down on, a Britain free of racism, hatred and discrimination, if you believe all families should be treated the same, that all people should be treated with respect, that those born of money do not have a divine right to rule the land, there’s only one place to put your cross.

Choose hope, choose fairness, choose equality; choose the many, choose the future. With fire in your heart and pride in what we’ve achieved, march forward to that polling station and vote for schools, vote for hospitals, say yes to 21st-century Britain and vote Labour.

• Labour: For the many, not the few

Love foxes, hate Tories

2010-05-05T08:30:00.000+01:00

• Labour: For the many, not the few

ELECTION EXCLUSIVE: Manish Sood, the attention seeking madman, before he was insane

2010-05-04T23:26:00.005+01:00

THIS evening, I had a chance encounter with a man who used to be taught by Manish Sood, the hitherto unknown Labour candidate for North-West Norfolk, who today called Gordon Brown the “worst prime minister ever”. He has since been disowned by Lord Mandelson and his mother.

Let me set the scene: there I am, leafletting Wood Lane with the eve-of-poll roll-out when an Asian gentleman across the road hollers at me. “Labour? Labour?” he asks, before crossing the street and accosting me - with warm words and a cheery smile.

“Gordon Brown’s doing a great job,” he tells me. “We’d never have got out of this recession without him. He’s a very good man, a very good man.” Then, on to the subject of madman-of-the-moment Manish Sood.

Unprompted, he says:

“I was watching the news today and I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing, that Indian man, the politician, criticising Gordon Brown. I haven’t seen him for nine years. He used to teach me, you know, the Indian guy.

“He used to teach me at the College of North West London. He’s from a good family, his mother used to be Mayor or something, but he was always a little bit crazy. I know it’s bad to speak badly of your [school] Master, but I think he’s doen a really bad thing today.

“One day he kind of just vanished. And then, nine years later, I’m seeing him on my tv.”

I press our random friend further, but alas, no more memories spring to mind, save that he sometimes got “quite angry” and maybe turned on Brown because “someone had probably told him to shut up” - backing up what his local party has said.

So there you have it, a quiet day canvassing round Welsh Harp lit up by a completely random, and I mean random, encounter with a Labour-supporting former student of a very-soon-to-be-former Labour councillor and parliamentary candidate. It’s a funny old world! :)

• Lynn News: Interview with a madman

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: So, where are those Eastern Europeans “flocking from”?

2010-04-28T23:43:00.006+01:00

“Centuries ago, my ancestors lived in the Kalihari...

“At last, zey arrive on shores of new land and a new life.

“Where is this?”

“Oh, this is Rochdale!”

“Rochdale? Rochdale? ROCHDALE?!”

• Impenitent spinners: How The Sun tried to exploit Mrs Duffy

Only Labour can keep out the Tories

2010-04-26T14:08:00.006+01:00

DO you think for one second Gideon and his pal Cameron really give a f*** about the people of Brent?

All they care about is themsleves. They’re planning a massive inheritance tax cut that benefits them and their families to the tune of millions, while slashing key services.

Nick Clegg thinks he’s being clever by cosying up to the Conservatives and doing down Labour. Remember, remember, that the only way to keep the Tories out of Downing Street is by voting Labour.

Put simply, a vote for Teather is a vote for Cameron in Number 10, and Osborne in Number 11.

• Labour: For the many, not the few

Campaign Diary: Week 2

2010-04-18T23:59:00.010+01:00

THIS week we’ve had the manifestos, the first ever leaders’ debate and the closure of all UK airspace bacause of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano.

Saturday 10th April: A day of no campaigning but a little bit of blogging, with the publication of our paper taking apart the Tories’ marriage tax policies - Fami-lies: Why you can’t trust the Tories - revealing how Cameron and Osborne are hiding their plans to cut the vital services that, over the past 13 years, have helped families to help themselves. In the evening, off to the Soho Theatre with the boys to see “Eric's Tales Of The Sea”, about a submariner called Eric, telling tales of the seven seas...

Sunday 11th April: A politics-free day, a day out seeing the sights, strolling the tow path along the Grand Union Canal from Haggerston Park to Camden Lock via Angel, starting out in Columbia Road Market and ending up in Camden Market.

Monday 12th April: It’s manifesto time, Labour are first up, promising “A future fair for all”. The launch looks great, shame about the intro (dumbing down or what?!) and the press conference, in which hacks were heckled and booed, and the prime minister cheered. Brown shouldn’t have had any of it. At the 2005 manifesto launch, at the Mermaid Theatre in Blackfriars, Tony Blair politely slapped down the clowns sitting next to me who tried to do the same; big, big mistake from Gordon. In the evening, out on the doorsteps in Welsh Harp, great response, as usual

Tuesday 13th April: Tuesday, and it’s the Tories’ turn, as they unveil their “invitation to join the government of Britain” at Battersea Power Station, cold, empty and lifeless, “a power station that doesn’t generate power”, as Nick Clegg put it.

Wednesday 14th April: Wednesday, and the Liberals have their say, pledging “fair taxes, a fair chance, a fair future and a fair deal”. At night, chill out, watch “The Day of the Jackal” (the original). Oh yeah, and it was my birthday! :P Wednesday also produced the best picture of the campaign:

Thursday 15th April: Debate time! Build up dominated by the Icelandic volcano eruption, but come the evening, and it’s all eyes on Manchester for the first ever prime ministerial tv debate. Running the live webchat on Left Foot Forward, which is also being carried on Labour List, Liberal Conspiracy, the New Statesman, Political Scrapbook and the Young Fabians blog; inundated, but not too many trouble makers, somehow manage to get through it all and still enjoy the debate.

Friday 16th April: All hail King Clegg! You gotta admit it, the Westminster School Cambridge boy done good; Gordon also did well, statesmanlike and authoritative; Cameron, by contrast, was hopeless. All those anecdotes, especially the one about meeting “a black man”. Wow! Real man of the people eh Dave? For more David Cameron anecdotes, check out this gem of a generator: http://www.fridgemagnet.org.uk/toys/dave-met.php - too funny! In the evening, a Tandoor mixed grill, delicious!!

Saturday 17th April: Spend the day in Barking & Dagenham, delivering newspapers for Hope Not Hate’s day of action taking the fight to the BNP. An absolutely sensational day: 541 people delivering 91,000 papers. Spent the morning in Dagenham, and the afternoon in Rainham. In between, a truly remarkable lunch, not just the food - a superb curry - but the entertainment, an impromptu performance from Billy Bragg, inspirational, emotional, educational. No video’s yet been uploaded, but here’s what one of the songs sounded like:

As well as meeting Billy, got a lift in the Cruddas-mobile and saw Gerry Gable, the Gerry Gable, who’s been fighting Fascists for the past 60 years. Take the train back to Fenchurch Street and find a pub just in time to see the second half of Spurs’ demolition job on Chelsea, which, coupled with United’s win over City, makes it just about as perfect a sun-drenched Spring Saturday a Nazi-hating United fan can have.

Sunday 18th April: Glance the Sundays, watch GB interviewed by Andrew Marr, see George Osborne make a fool of himself on the Politics Show and write a couple of stories before heading out to join Dawn Butler on the doorstep. Visit a residential home, talk to some big, big Labour supporters, one of whom praises Peter Mandelson, telling me that without Mandy there’d be no Labour government. Spot. On. A supporter for 50 years, ever since he came to Britain from the West Indies in 1961, he regaled us with tales from the past, and added that he doesn’t need a postal vote, saying:

“I’ll hobble all the way to the polling station to vote Labour, ain’t no one gonna stop me votin’ Labour!”

One of those inspiration people, the reason why you go into politics, to deliver for them, and for people like them, to give a voice to those who have none, to offer a future that is fair for them and for everyone; for the many, not the few.

• Left Foot Forward: For all the latest campaign news

My birthday manifesto

2010-04-14T16:15:00.001+01:00

WWPD?! :)

• For a fairer future, vote Labour on May 6th

Piq‘n’Prince oh so sweet for Pompey

2010-04-11T23:27:00.008+01:00

Wembley, FA Cup Semi-Final:
Tottenham Hotspur 0-2 Portsmouth (After extra time)

AVRAM GRANT’S Portsmouth defied the odds to book an FA Cup Final date with Chelsea on May 15, extra time goals from Frederic Piquionne and Kevin-Prince Boateng seeing off their FA Cup-winning manager Harry Redknapp’s below-par Spurs.

Following a fifth round win over bitter rivals Southampton and today’s semi-final slaying of the man who won the cup for Pompey two years ago, Grant, who believes he was “harshly treated” by Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, will hope to complete the fairytale by beating his former employers.

Portsmouth, who were relegated on the eve of today’s showdown, become only the fifth team who have been relegated to make the FA Cup final; on all four previous occasions - Manchester City in 1926, Leicester City in 1969, Brighton and Hove Albion in 1983 and Middlesbrough in 1997 - the relegated club has lost.

After a goalless 90 minutes, in which Spurs dominated - the excellent Gareth Bale causing problems down the left flank, Peter Crouch off target with several headers - Pompey took the lead in the 99th minute, Piquionne taking advantage of Michael Dawson’s slip to finish neatly from eight yards.

It was the umpteenth time over the two semis that a player has lost his footing on the newly relaid Wembley pitch. It was always bound to happen that eventually it would lead to a goal, though had Tottenham keeper Heurelho Gomes reacted quicker Piquionne might never have scored.

Within minutes of the restart Spurs thought they had levelled, Peter Crouch hooking the ball into net only for the goal to be ruled out for the slightest of fouls on David James, the relieved Pompey keeper hardly appealing, ditto his back line.

Then, as Spurs poured forward in a desperate attempt to take the game to penalties, they conceded one, Wilson Palacios crashing in to the back of Aruna Dindane four minutes from time, another decision that could have gone either way, another decision that went against Spurs.

Boateng, one of three Spurs old boys in the Portsmouth line-up, rifled in the spot kick, low and to the left, just beyond Gomes’s reach.

Anyone who still thinks the FA Cup doesn’t matter need only witness his joy, and the passion of his and Piquionne’s celebrations (see pictures above and videos below).

For Spurs fans, having wallowed in Schadenfreude at Arsenal’s Camp Nou stuffing in midweek, there’s the small matter of fourth place to fight for. The Lilywhites face the Gunners on Wednesday, followed by Chelsea and Man United in their next two games, with a potential winner-takes-all clash with City in the penultimate game of the season.

For Pompey and Grant, meanwhile, it’s a month of preparation, five games, virtually practice games, but against opponents who’ll be giving it their all, matches in which to hone formations, try different things, rest key players and leave no stone unturned ahead of the final.

What a way for all the star names who’ll be leaving Fratton Park to sign off, make history and end the most topsy-turvy of up-and-down seasons in style.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you there’s no more magic in the old competion.

• Aston Villa 0-3 Chelsea
• Official FA Cup website

Campaign Diary: Week 1

2010-04-09T22:53:00.013+01:00

WOW! What fun it’s been; the starting gun’s been fired, and we’re off, all set for the closest election campaign for decades. Let the games begin! :)

Saturday 3rd April: A politics-free day, it’s all about the IPL, and the stunning six-fest in Madras, followed by the faboulously named Mumbai Indians putting Deccan to the sword in Bombay - a game which saw 176 fewer runs. Quite a margin over 40 overs’ play.

Sunday 4th April: Looks like the nasty party have risen from the dead. Manage to get up early and put the boot into Chris “no gays, no blacks, no Irish” Grayling, secretly recorded telling a group of right-wingers (it’s always a secret recording isn’t it?) that ~~BNP~~ b&b bigots should be allowed to bar gay couples from their premises. In 2010. From the man who could, in a month’s time, be home secretary. Un-be-lievable.

Monday 5th April: Get out and about on the doorstep, great reception; no one mentions the national stories, it’s all about local issues, as it always is. Evening news bulletins abuzz with news the pm has confirmed he’ll be off the the Palace in the morning to seek a dissolution ahead of an election, as expected, on May 6th.

Tuesday 6th April: Back to work (albeit working from home) after the Easter break, glued to BBC One as Mr Brown goes to see the Queen. Every inch the statesman, he emerges from Number 10, surrounded by his Cabinet, to proclaim the contest officially on. Mr Cameron, meanwhile, is on his own, surrounded by Tory placemen. Wonder if he’ll be standing shoulder-to-shoulder anytime soon with his front bench team, especially his shadow Chancellor and shadow home secretary?! Buzzing, hit the doorsteps again, public seem not to be as excited as us hacks. Some of those that answer aren’t even aware there’s an election going on; but they say they’ll vote Labour, assuming they vote at all.

Wednesday 7th April: Off to the Commonwealth Club to see Lord Mandelson. Genius, sheer class, Mandy rips into the Tories, accuses them of sitting alongside “xenophobes & homophobes” in the European parliament and says they haven’t changed at all. After blogging the day away make it back in time to go door knocking again, whereupon I speak to a 60-something chap who asks me, and I quote:

“You’re not campaigning for that Teather woman are you? She’s unbelievable, I can’t stand her, coming round with her little clipboard telling us she wants to hear our concerns and then doing nothing. She’s a ghastly little woman.”

What can I say? The man knows his onions! Think I’ll put him down as strong Labour! :P

Thursday 8th April: The first Victoria Street press conference of the campaign, and again, Mandy’s the star of the show. Watching on News 24, you notice even the presenters are cast under his spell. Another day’s blogging followed by a trip to Mayfair to meet the prime minister and several key cabinet ministers at the inaugural “GB on the road” interactive Twitter event.

Friday 9th April: The national insurance row rumbles on, with the Tory spin beginning to be picked apart, their coalition of the conned falling apart - Dragons’ Den star James Caan saying our plans “would only add £15 to the cost of employing someone,” and “wouldn’t realistically be enough” to put him off filling a vacancy that needed filling. Good end to a good week. Roll on the next four!!

• Left Foot Forward: For all the latest campaign news

Big Loius: More Mandy than Obama

2010-04-08T13:23:00.005+01:00

LOIUS van GAAL compared himself to President Obama last night in his post-match interview following Bayern’s stunning away goals win over United in the Champions League. When asked if the German giants could march on to Madrid he replied “what was it Obama said - yes, we can! We can do it, we can go all the way.”

A more apt comparison, however, may well be not with Barack, undoubted God-like genius that the US President is, but with our very own First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills, President of the Board of Trade and Lord President of the Council - Baron Mandelson of Foy in the County of Herefordshire and of Hartlepool in the County of Durham. Or just plain Peter to you and me.

The reasons are many, and not just that van Gaal looks like Mandy, with the swept-over right parting and flowing locks, which must surely be dyed... No, what most binds them together is their serial comebacks from the brink, their repeated success over the years, a love for Europe and a penchant for shining on the greatest stage, the one on which they were born to perform.

Mandy’s comebacks from being unfairly forced to resign from the Cabinet, not once but twice, and his triumphant return from Europe to become the de-facto prime minister are well known, his confidence, class and character imbuing genuine belief in the Labour party that it can bounce back from the near-certainty of defeat 18 months ago and triumph over the Tories.

Van Gaal, meanwhile, has become the first manager to take three teams into the semi-finals of the Champions League, having won it with Ajax in 1995 and guided Barcelona into the semis in 2000, via a thrilling 5-1 extra time win over Chelsea (just thought I’d throw that one in!) As for combating adversity, he endured torrid times at Barça, and failed to qualify Holland for the 2002 World Cup, only to return stronger and more determined.

But enough chatter, onto the bigger picture, the scintillating, heart-pumping action in the Champions League this week, with the games at Old Trafford and in Bordeaux going down to the wire and Camp Nou witnessing one of the finest displays of forward play the game has ever seen.

It’s nigh impossible to pick a favourite moment from the week, there were so many, but if you pressed me, I’d go for Robben’s stunning strike for Bayern, the sweetest of volleys; just look at the way (above right) he keeps his eye on the ball - perfectly delivered by Ribery - sets himself, swivels and squeezes the ball home, reminiscent of Zidane (above left) in the 2002 Final, though not as good.

As for Messi? Well, words cannot do him justice, no poet yet born could put into prose the sheer, unadulterated quality of his performance on Tuesday night (see link below), all four of his goals worthy of winning goal of the month, his gorgeous chip over Almunia the highlight of the match. Class. A cert for world footballer of the year, who would bet against him lifting the World Cup in 13 weeks’ time...

• Barcelona 4-1 Arsenal
• Manchester United 3-2 Bayern Munich

Let’s roll!

2010-04-06T00:08:00.001+01:00

• BBC News: Brown names the date
• Left Foot Forward: All the latest news from the campaign

Champagne moment

2010-04-04T12:20:00.004+01:00

DOUG BOLLINGER produces the stand-out moment from yesterday’s run orgy in Madras.

The most runs ever in an IPL match. The highest total ever. The most sixes ever.

This is why I don’t just like cricket, Hell no, I ab-so-lute-ly f***ing love it!! :P

• Cricinfo: Chennai beat Rajasthan by 23 runs
• ITV Sport: Watch Kolkata v King’s XI Live

EXCLUSIVE: Grayling to be Chancellor after election

2010-04-01T10:11:00.002+01:00

CHRIS GRAYLING is being lined up as Chancellor in the event of a hung parliament. Secret plans drawn up by civil servants this week, details of which have been leaked to this reporter, reveal the ~~gaffe-prone~~ safe-pair-of-hands shadow home secretary will take the reins at the Treasury to help steer the economy back on track.

The news is bound to be a blow to both Alistair Darling and Vince Cable, both of whom assumed the job was theirs for the taking. Grayling is also a shoo-in for the role if the Tories win a majority, Conservative leader David Cameron having finally lost patience with “boy” George Osborne, the shrill, stuck-up little weasel loathed by one and all.

The final straw for Mr Cameron is believed to be the back-of-fag-packet calculations on the effects of a reduction in National Insurance contributions, torn to shreds this morning by the government, Lord Mandelson saying:

“Mr Cameron and Mr Osborne are peddling a deception...

“[Osborne] is like a kid in a sweet shop, who thinks he can just grab sweets from every jar without paying for them.”

• April Fools: Watch Mandelson savage Cameron and Osborne

Forget Byers, Hoon and Hewitt...

2010-03-22T18:20:00.002Z

Margaret Moran remains the grubbiest MP of all

THOUGH most of the attention, understandably, has been on Stephen Byers and fellow ex-ministers Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon in the wake of the Sunday Times/Dispatches investigation into lobbying, dubbed “Labour’s cash for influence scandal”, very little scrutiny has been placed on the other politician caught up in the affair - Luton South MP Margaret Moran.

Moran, unlike the other three, actually suggested she might start work immediately for the ficticious company, which is bad enough, considering she has another seven weeks’ MPs’ salary to collect before she cashes in on the parachute payments and pension, but made even worse by the fact that, since her propensity to put her hand in the expenses jar was exposed, she’s spent the past ten months off sick, unable to work.

She seems more than willing to work for this private company, however, and looked right as roses when “interviewed” by them. A picture of health, Moran claimed she had access to a “girls gang” of current and former ministers, among them Jacqui Smith and Hazel Blears - also caught up in the expenses scandal - and Caroline Flint and Harriet Harman. The ST takes up the story:

“Moran had appeared quite feisty during the 90-minute meeting. She offered to arrange meetings with ministers and civil servants, adding that it was important ‘never to underestimate a glass of wine, a few nibbles, a photo opportunity’.

“She suggested she was well connected with a ‘girls’ gang’ of ‘mates’ whom she could ring on behalf of clients.”

The report adds:

“However, back in her Luton South constituency, the MP who had the second-highest expenses of any MP and had to pay back £22,500 she claimed for treating dry rot, was not so readily available.

“After she had left the meeting, a second reporter phoned her constituency office, saying his mother wanted to see Moran about a housing problem. ‘She’s not doing any appointments,’ came the reply. ‘She’s not very well at the moment.’”

As regular readers will know, it’s not just the dry rot, the flipping and the over-claiming that did for her, but a steady stream of other, equally serious allegations she has failed to deny, including a few I myself investigated and put to her last May, again to no avail.

This is what I discovered:

“It is alleged by one former intern of Miss Moran that she ordered members of staff to work for a ‘charity’ called “eQuality Networks Ltd” (EQN), a clear breach of official guidelines which state that staff should be used solely for the purpose of assisting an MP in ‘performing parliamentary duties’.

“Yesterday’s Financial Times contains more details about her links to EQN - which is run by her fiancé, Michael Booker - and the misappropriation of staff thereof, including her use of House of Commons headed notepaper when working for EQN.

“The former intern, whose complaints to the authorities fell on deaf ears, was one of nine unpaid interns working for Miss Moran at the time, many of whom were also asked to work for EQN.”

I further revealed that:

“Another ex-employee of Miss Moran has described how she would routinely attempt to pressure staff into signing off questionable expense claims which were then passed to the fees office for approval.

“Examples include ‘ghost’ journeys, in which her staff were asked to fill in blank taxi receipts, and expenses incurred while Miss Moran was working for EQN; it is not known how many of these were submitted to the fees office and subsequently paid out.

“What has also emerged is her ‘complete and utter’ hatred of Kelvin Hopkins, fellow Luton Labour MP and beacon of thrift who spent a staggering 90 per cent less on second home allowances over the past five years, a mere £8,894 compared to Miss Moran's whopping £87,206.”

I’ll leave the final word to a former employee of Moran, one of the sources of the above allegations, who texted me on Saturday afternoon - and I kid you not, this came, by chance, before the latest news broke, to inform me his former boss’s unwanted place in the dustbin of history was already assured:

“Page 62 & 63 of book titled ‘Crap MPs - 40 worst members of parliament in history’, & aparently [sic] it goes bak [sic] som [sic] way.

“Number 10 of 40 (litl [sic] harsh) - guess who it is?”

• Left Foot Forward: Campaigners turn up heat on Byers
• Tonight, 8:00, Channel 4: Dispatches: Politicians for Hire

Europe is not enough as Messi and Rooney zero in on South Africa

2010-03-18T17:56:00.003Z

DO YOU feel the buzz, well, punk, do ya?! Just 85 days and counting till the biggest show on Earth and only 115 days to the final...

I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about it, the excitement, the anticipation, the expectation, heightened by the performances of two of the world’s finest in the past few days. I’m speaking of course of Leo Messi and Waaaaaayne Rooney, whose prolific form has sent their teams soaring to the top of their leagues and into the final stages of the European Cup.

Any other season and that Saturday night in Castille would be the highlight, the final port of call of a sizzling season in the sun - but not this year, this is 2010, this is World Cup year, and, though Spain and Brazil (and possibly Holland) are the strongest favourites, no one will bet against Messi’s Argentina or Rooney’s England - or maybe both - making it to the World Cup Final in Johannesburg on the 11th of July.

In his past 11 games Rooney has scored 16 goals - seven of them headers, including the winner in the League Cup Final - while Messi’s recent run has seen him hit eight in his last four, including a brace in last night’s Champions League stroll over Stuttgart, the highlights of which you can see below:

Apologies for the commentary, only slighly less sensical than Jon Champion and Jim Beglin on ITV last night!

So where do we go from here? The draw for the quarter finals of the Champions League takes place tomorrow, after which Rooney has eight more league games and a possible five in Europe plus two for England (v Mexico and Japan), while Messi could feature in another 12 league games for Barça, maybe five more in Europe and friendlies against Canada and Israel before heading down to South Africa.

Then it’s America, Algeria and Slovenia for England; Nigeria, South Korea and Greece for Argentina - after which we move into the last 16 and beyond, where the big boys face off, extra time, penalties, quarter finals, semis and the big one, four months from now...

Vuvuzelas booming out across the land, the charcoal aromas of a million braais drifting into the air, gazelles, wildebeest and springbok galloping into the sunset, 736 of the world’s best footballers, hundreds of thousands of fans, billions more watching on TV.

One country. One trophy. One world. One winner. May the best men win.

• Lionel Messi 2009/10 stats from ESPN Soccernet
• Wayne Rooney 2009/10 stats from ESPN Soccernet
• Download the Mirror’s World Cup wallchart

Is Boris taking his lines from Hergé?

2010-03-16T17:50:00.004Z

BILLIONS of bilious blue blistering barnacles (as Captain Haddock would say)! It looks like dear old Boris has been stealing ideas from M. Georges Prosper Remi, aka Hergé, the finest cartoonist of all time.

Nothing wrong with that of course, indeed one can only dream of having the creative freedom to drop in a few references to Thomson and Thompson or Professor Calculus somewhere along the line, but then I’m not being paid £250,000 for a few hours’ work.

So what exactly did the blond buffer do, I hear you ask; well, in his aforementioned column, as part of a snidishly unsubtle attack on Ed Balls, in which he fantasised about grabbing the schools secretary's tie and “end[ing] what is left of my political career with one almighty head-butt”. It’s how they do things chez Bullingdon, you see...

But I digress; to the plaigirism we go, and, having blathered on about the merits of Greek and Latin, Boris eventually says:

“They are also a giant universal spanner for other languages. Suppose your kid scrapes her knee on holiday in Italy. You are much more likely to administer the right first aid if you know that caldo means hot rather than cold – as you will, if you know Latin.

“Suppose you are captured by cannibals in the Mato Grosso, and you find a scrap of Portuguese newspaper in your hut revealing that there is about to be an eclipse; and suppose that by successfully prophesying this event you convince your captors that you are a god and secure your release – I reckon you would be thankful for your Latin, eh?”

Hmmmmmm... Now I wonder where he got that idea from? Maybe, I dunno, from reading Prisoners of the Sun in between head-butting poorer kids in his youth, where Tintin finds a scrap of old newspaper, chooses the moment he is to be burnt at the stake as the exact moment of an eclipse, beseeches the sun to re-emerge and is deified by the Incas who release him and his friends.

Y’know, in a way this has actually made me like him; ’tis good to know he takes guidance from the little Belgian. What odds, I wonder, on Boris buying a first-class seat on Virgin Galactic, Destination Moon?!

Bizarrest map ever?

2010-03-05T19:32:00.004Z

NOW this is what you call a map!!

View it in full, and admire the sheer, unalloyed insanity of it all!

But seriously, viewing this map has made me appreciate just how lucky we have it “Norf of the river”, and how poorly served by the tube Souf Laaandeners are.

Annnnnnnnyway, what would old ’Arry Beck have made of it all?! :-P

• Hat tip: My old friend and Old Labour PPC Max Freedman

Michael Foot RIP

2010-03-03T23:09:00.002Z

9th FEBRUARY 1950: Michael Foot, who passed away today, addressing a meeting in a street in Devonport watched by his wife, film director Jill Craigie, sitting in the car beside him.

A world apart, a world away. No internet, no mobiles, no pagers; no rolling news, no blogs, no spin... unimaginable eh?!

Read the eulogies and reminisce, on The Guardian, Labour List and at Left Foot Forward, and for the most glowing, well written and emotional of obituaries, read Tribune.

I’ll leave the final word to David Miliband, who tweeted:

“Michael Foot led a remarkable life. I remember meeting him on the Tube in the 80s; for a famous speaker he really listened ... Ironic to hear news of Michael Foot’s death while welcoming south african president. He hated apartheid with a vengeance.”

Got it in one; a man who fought the horrors of Fascism and Apartheid, from the thirties to the eighties, standing up to terror wherever it arose, in all its forms, at any time.

Truly a giant among men.

Michael Foot: 1913–2010

Campaigning in Islington with James Purnell

2010-02-20T21:38:00.007Z

I WAS out in Islington today helping Labour’s St. George’s ward candidates Alex Smith, Jessica Asato and Gary Heather collect signatures for the campaign to save the Whittington Hospital and its A&E department.

The response on the doorstep was really positive, with many residents - regardless of political affiliation - signing the petition. In terms of voter ID-ing, again, the response was very encouraging, a lot of Labour supporters, nothing like the portents of doom portrayed by pessimistic bloggers and the national media.

Among the fellow canvassers was man-of-the-moment James Purnell, one-time Islington councillor and until recently resident in the borough, who announced he was standing down from parliament yesterday. It was great to see him!

Also out, in addition to James and the candidates, were Tollington ward councillor Richard Watts, Lucy Openshaw, Anna Turley and Anthony Painter - described by AP as a New Labour “campaigning dream team”.

I couldn’t agree more! :)

Next Saturday, the campaign to save the Whittington steps up a gear with a midday demonstration from Highbury Corner to the hospital with Islington Labour MPs Jeremy Corbyn and Emily Thornberry.

For more information check out these links:

• Save the Whittington Hospital Campaign website
• Alex and Jess’s St George’s Labour Party blog

EXCLUSIVE: Blur drummer: BRITS are a disgrace and Liam’s rude & obnoxious

2010-02-18T02:47:00.004Z

FIFTEEN years on, 15 years, and it seems the rivalry between Britpop’s finest remains as strong as ever.

Last night, Blur drummer and Labour parliamentary candidate Dave Rowntree told me Liam Gallagher’s behaviour at Tuesday’s BRIT awards was nothing new, and shouldn’t have come as a surprise:

“He’s made a career out of being rude and obnoxious. It’s no way to behave, it’s how he’s always been, it’s no surprise.”

Rowntree also took aim at the awards themselves, adding:

“The BRITS are a disgrace aren’t they? I mean is that really the best of British music?!”

Wondering what’s the story (my early morning glory)? Definitely? Maybe here’s a little clue...

Can’t say I share Dave’s outrage, gotta say I was watching Liam thinking “Attaboy! Get in!!” - though I do agree with his general assessment of the UK music scene.

It was another sorry indictment of the Cowell-isation of British music, with “X-Factor” graduates JLS and Cheryl Cole stealing the headlines, the only high notes coming from Alicia and Jay Z - neither of whom are BRITS - and Robbie, a ridiculously young winner of the lifetime achievement award.

Oh well, there’s always next year, maybe even a gong for Blur, to sit alongside all Dave’s others in his big big house, very big house in the country ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ...

• Summer ’95: Blur v Oasis
• Dave Rowntree for Westminster

New anti Tory Terry poster campaign launched

2010-02-15T19:52:00.004Z

NO EXPLANATION necessary...

• Design your own at mydavidcameron.com
• View some more here and over at Left Foot Forward

Feeling blue on red rose day? Here's some tunez to cheer you up! :)

2010-02-14T20:04:00.008Z

FIRST UP, Katy Perry and 3oh!3 burning up the charts with Starstrukk:

♫ ♪ N-n-n-n-nice legs, Daisy Dukes,
Makes a man go woo-woo
That's the way they all come through like woo-woo woo-woo
Low-cut, seeee-through shirts that make ya woo-woo woo-woo
That's the way she come through like woowoo w-w-w-woo... ♪

♪ ♫ Tight jeans, double-ds makin’ me go woo-woo
All the people on the street know woo-woo woo-woo
Iced out, lit-up, make the kids go woo-woo woo-woo
All the people on the street know woowoo w-w-w-woo... ♫

Hubba hubba! ;)

Next, Alicia and Jay-Z; what city, what a video, what a tune! First heard it in the States last October:

... the memories, the memories! :P

And how about those kids from Glee? One of the all time feel good good time songs:

Listen and be happy, everybody!

Forget all your troubles, quit feeling sorry for yourself and smiiiiiiile!!!!

Third of Brits believe Peter Griffin leads the BNP

2010-02-03T20:21:00.009Z

I KNOW, I know, you don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the stupidity of your fellow Brit; on balance, it’s best just to laugh, and ponder for a second what Seth MacFarlane makes of it all.

The surprusing (or maybe not) results come from a poll of 1,498 members of the public carried out by “the UK’s leading discount code and voucher site”, myvouchercodes.co.uk - “a great way to save money when you shop online”. Allegedly.

The survey also revealed that more people recognised celebrity nonentity Jordan’s new husband Alex Reid than Gordon Brown, with 47 per cent of those polled saying Jeremy Clarkson would make the best celebrity PM.

So now you know. It’s official. TV and celeb culture have taken over people’s minds!

And with that, I bid you good-night; don’t have nightmares, do sleep well...

Eat's just not cricket!

2010-01-31T20:50:00.004Z

TRULY one of the most bizarre sights ever seen on a cricket field.

Pakistan all-rounder Shahid Afridi bites - yes BITES - the cricket ball. I’m lost for words!

Watch it:

As if things couldn’t get any stranger, at the end of the match a spectator jumped - yes JUMPED - on top of Khalid Latif!

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: keep it clean.

This is cricket, not football; there ain’t no John Terrys in the gentleman’s game.

FIFA v ISS: The verdict

2010-01-11T00:59:00.002Z

YEAH, I know, they’ve already been out a few months, but hey, what with stuff and all that, I haven’t had a chance to play them. So, with the snow and ice putting paid to any action yesterday, I decided, finally, to give the latest versions a try.

So what did I think? Starting with FIFA, I gotta say, I was pleasantly impressed. FIFA 2010 is a cut above previous versions of the game, none of which have been a patch on ISS - but the new FIFA does have certain advantages over it.

In terms of individual brilliance, skills and tricks, you can do more with FIFA than ISS - take Messi or Ronaldinho for a run on the practice ground and you’ll get what I’m saying. The kits are also better, and the facial features sharper - the players actually look like they’re meant to.

It also has the edge when it comes to playing online: whereas with ISS you can only have a maximum two controllers a side, FIFA allows you to have more. The commentary, however, is as annoying as ever, pairing Martin Tyler alongside Andy F***ing Gray!

Onto ISS, as always the number one in terms of match playing, with Mark Lawrenson a slightly more bearable summariser, and the shots on target actually going in more often than not rather than striking the post, which happens freakily too often in FIFA.

It’s also on top in terms of players’ touch, feel and control, and they’ve improved the awareness and speed off the line of the keepers.

ISS also, to my mind, has the lead when looking at the classic teams. They’re now more generation-specific - Brazil v Argentina using the USA ’94 squads - more realistic than pairing Pelé with Sócrates, for example, and featuring players who’ve actually played in my lifetime.

Overall, then, as with the past 15 or so years, I’m giving the nod to ISS, or PES as it’s now known, though FIFA have definitely reduced the gap. Some day they may even overtake it.

All in all, a most productive day’s work, and it’s like totally whetted my appetite for the World Cup, exactly five months today and counting; can’t wait!!

• EA Sports: FIFA 10
• Konami: PES 2010

Jermaine Beckford before he was famous

2010-01-03T20:08:00.003Z

DATELINE: Tuesday, October 25th, 2005, a Hellishly cold night; the venue: Chestnut Avenue, Northwood, a million miles from Old Trafford on a crisp, Sunday afternoon, 75,000 in the stands, millions more watching on TV.

Welcome to the world of Leeds’ FA Cup goal hero Jermaine Beckford up until a few years ago. A stunning goal at Old Trafford today, chasing down a long ball, controlling it, slipping it between Wes Brown and the hapless Tomasz Kuszczak into the net; a missed penalty and a fluffed one-on-one back then.

And how, you might ask, do I know this? Well, that game five years ago was when I made my debut as a reporter for the Non-League Paper, a game that sticks in the mind, along with the teams and players who graced it.

So earlier tonight I clambered up into the loft, dug out my old notebook and reminisced.

Beneath the reporting instuctions - Wealdstone v Hampton & Richmond Borough, 7:45pm kick off, 170 words, email editorial@sportsbeat.co.uk tomorrow morning - are my match notes.

Behold this brief selection:

H/T: Leaves scattered across the pitch. 1st half - way too many long balls, way too many fouls.

68’: Stones 9, clean through, hits the keeper’s legs, right footed. Controlled the through ball, should’ve scored.

89’: Stones 9, penalty, weak, to keeper’s left, comfortable save.

Man of the match: Hampton 9 - Beckford’s opposite number.

Quite a rise to fame for Beckford, and good luck to him. It’s always good to see someone you’ve known about come good, and it’s equally refreshing for someone who’s made it up from the bottom to receive the plaudits and experience the glory.

It could just be the start, if rumours are to be believed, with a move up into the Premier League in due course. One things for sure: he’s come a loooooong, long way from the Ryman Premier League.

He’a a great talent; long may his rise continue.

• 3rd January 2010: Manchester United 0-1 Leeds United
• 25th October 2005: Wealdstone 1-2 Hampton & Richmond Bor.

England should go for the throat and wrap series up

2010-01-02T17:39:00.001Z

Newlands, Cape Town, third Test:
South Africa v England (3rd - 7th January)

ENGLAND go in to the new year Test at Newlands confident of winning the match and series following their stunning innings win in Durban last week.

With Paul Collingwood struggling, England have called up Hampshire batsman Michael Carberry as cover. If, as seems likely, Collingwood is ruled unfit, Carberry will make his debut, with England sticking to their six batsmen, keeper, four bowlers policy.

It is South Africa, however, who have the biggest selection headaches - their leading batsmen, to a man, failing dismally in the second innings at Kingsmead, and their leading bowler, Makhaya Ntini recording figures of 0-114 to go with his match haul of 2-119 in the first Test at Centurion.

Ntini’s iconic status - he remains the only black African to have made the grade for the Proteas - makes him virtually undroppable, the pressure to pick him immense, and a worry that weighs heavily on Graeme Smith’s shoulders.

All of which begs the question of whether England wouldn’t be better off fielding a 5-1-5 line up if Collingwood fails to pass his fitness test. Instead of drafting in Carberry, England could do worse than select Liam Plunkett or Ryan Sidebottom.

Following the return to form of Alastair Cook and Ian Bell, and the scoring potential of Matt Prior (60 in Durban), Stuart Broad (37 runs this series) and Graeme Swann (85 in Centurion and a quickfire 22 in Durban), it is difficult to see England being significantly worse off with only five specialist batsmen - especially given the travails of the South Africa attack.

Ntini, playing what would be his 102nd Test, looks shot to pieces, a shadow of his former self; Dale Steyn and Jacques Kallis have only just returned from injury; Morne Morkel lacks consistency - evidenced by just one five-wicket haul in 35 innings - and Paul Harris went from taking seven wickets at Centurion to just one in Durban.

South Africa will not bat as badly again. Kallis, AB de Villiers and JP Duminy won’t be shouldering arms again in a hurry. Failing to field an extra bowler could be the biggest gamble of all; for all the runs in the world, if you don’t take 20 wickets, you ain’t gonna win no Test match.

• Cricinfo: Live text commentary from Newlands
• Test Match Special: Live audio commentary

2010: Dare to dream

2010-01-01T11:57:00.000Z

2010, a new year, a new decade,
A new dawn, or the same old gloom?
To look forward or to look back,
To bemoan past disasters or anticipate future glories?

Looking ahead, it’s all to play for,
Defeat is not inevitable, victory can be ours;
With the best man at the helm,
And the best men on the ball

So pull together and cheer on the boys,
Come on England, bring home the Cup;
44 years of despair, 44 years of hope and fear,
Jo’burg July 11th, England atop the world

Rooney, Rio, Gerrard, Capello,
England expects, England awaits;
Brazil, France, Germany or Spain,
We don’t care, we don’t give a damn;
Coz We’re England, we’re England,
AND WE’RE GONNA WIN THE CUP!

2009: The good...

2009-12-31T17:39:00.002Z

... the sad:

... the missed opportunity:

• High point: January 20th: Barack Obama sworn in as President
• Low point: June 25th: Michael Jackson’s death shocks the world
• Turning point? Gordon Brown clings, clings on to die another day

EXCLUSIVE: Archie’s killer unveiled

2009-12-26T18:19:00.002Z

WHO’d’ve thought it, eh?! Look at him, beaming brazenly next to the ancient, decrepit, centuries-old relic - and a bust of Queen Victoria as well.

Though as these pictures, smuggled out at great risk from ’Enders’ Elstree studios prove, he’s got previous...

... bitch-slapping and then torturing poor Archie in fits of rage rarely seen in public from the amiable buffoon.

Yeah, I know, I know what you’re all thinking, if only he would give up his day job and turn to acting full time; alas, ’tis not to be, and the Square’s loss is London’s ~~gain~~ even bigger loss.

• Watch Uncle Archie get bust-ed
• Interview with Larry Lamb

Miaowy Christmas to one and all

2009-12-24T15:55:00.004Z

WHATEVER your age, species or cuteness, may Santa bring you all you desire!

Merry Christmas everybody!! :)

12,970 reasons to love Sachin the great

2009-12-21T00:12:00.002Z

SIT back and admire the genius that is Sachin Tendulkar, one of the all-time greats and possibly the greatest batsman in history; certainly the greatest I’ve ever had the privilige of seeing - better even than B.C. Lara, whose individual genius seldom led to team success.

Twenty years ago last month Sachin made his debut, a milestone celebrated by Cricinfo, who have split his career into five phases in this graph of his one day international and Test run-scoring prowess. The graph I have compiled, shown above, illustrates his year-by-year contribution to the cause. (Stay tuned for his 20-year ODI graph come the conclusion of the current series against Sri Lanka).

What it best shows, aside from the sheer weight of runs the Little Master has racked up, is his consistency over the years, only four times averaging below 40 since his debut series in Pakistan, topping 50 in eleven years, 60 in nine, 70 in four, 80 in three and, incredibly, averaging more than 90 twice: in 1993 (91.42) and 2004 (91.50) - the year he hit a Test best 248 not out against Australia.

No one has scored more centuries (43) nor runs (12,970), with few having so high a conversion rate of fifties into hundreds (44.33 per cent). Since India’s inaugural Test in 1932, Tendulkar has played in 53 of the country’s 101 wins - more than half - and he has missed only 14 Tests since his debut.

To date, 2002 is his most prolific year, 1,392 runs from 16 Tests - six of which were won - with 1999 his best for centuries (five). Gaps remain, however, most notably his failure to make the honours board at Lord’s - something he’ll be determined to put right 18 months hence.

• Summer 2011: Draft schedule of India's tour of England
• July 2007: Little Master looks to set record straight

The unlikeliest players

2009-12-13T18:08:00.007Z

It was soooooo much easier in the days before text messaging and Facebook eh John?!

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright, with the laydeez of the night;
What immortal hand or eye, could`st predict thine tearful fall from high...

• AP: Scandal aside, Woods changed golf in last 10 years

PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: Guy News behind the scenes

2009-12-04T09:35:00.000Z

“Every day, millions of people mix up serious political news with scandals; that is why every evening I am forced to have soothing jacuzzi bath...

“Guido, bubbles!”

Compare the gossips dot com, compare the evidence dot org

Seemplez!

With apologies to Sergei and @Aleksandr_orlov; comparing meerkats since AD 2009

The last time Avram met Fergie, Moscow 2008:

2009-11-28T13:59:00.003Z

GETS better and better and better every time you see it!!

I would’ve loved it, really loved it, if Terry had said after his miss:

“Go into exile I must ... failed I have.”

Speaking of which, I reckon dear old Avram looks a lot more like Quasimodo than he does Yoda:

I’ll leave you with some more pearls of wisdom that pointy-eared little Jedi Master once said:

“Around the ~~survivors~~ penalty area, a perimeter create.”

Avram, heed the Grand Master’s advice, and from today’s game emerge with a win you might!

• The Sun: Avram, Yoda - seperated at birth

The Taxpayers’ All-Lie-Ance unmasked

2009-11-20T15:08:00.008Z

Surprise, bloody surprise! The Taxpayers’ Alliance have been at it again, peddling lies about the European Union - this time in a cinema ad.

We’ve torn it to shreds over on Left Foot Forward, everything from their 13,333 per cent mark-up on the cost of membership and their blatant fabrications about the costs of the Common Agricultural and Fisheries Policies, to their implausible assertions on the cost of each MEP, which is the point I’d like to delve a little deeper into here.

Their figure of £1.8 million, which they get from some highly dubious Open Europe research, is about £1.5 million more than the actual annual cost, albeit having failed to include travel expenses and attendance allowances - which could never in a million years amount to £1,476,000; unless...

Each MEP was compensated for a combination of the following:

5,507 days’ attendance (in one year!) at official meetings of the Parliament bodies on which the Member serves that are held within the European Community at €298 (£268) a day;

3,354,545 km of car journeys claimed back on expenses at 49 cents (44p) a km;

11,015 days’ at meetings held outside the European Community at €149 (£134) a day;

3,332 return flights from London to Brussels at £443 a trip;

3,432 return Eurostar journeys from London to Brussels at £430 a trip.Plausible? Only if your name’s Kilroy, Hannan or Iain Duncan-Smith; Eurosceptics: the gifts that keep on giving!

• T’Other Taxpayers’ Alliance: Holding the fantasists to account
* Journeys are business class, fully flexible, 25th-29th January 2009
† Conversions carried out at the rate €1 = 90p

Would you trust this man?

2009-11-19T21:53:00.005Z

I MEAN, I’ve heard of dreadlocks...

Juuuuust kidding! M. Henry’s still a class act, one moment of unsportsmanship will never erase all the good he’s done.

And in any case, who among us, who among us, could honestly say, honestly say, they wouldn’t have done the same?!

• France 1-1 Ireland (Feat. comedy German commentary!)

The Rhyme Minister

2009-11-15T21:14:00.005Z

This. Is. PRICELESS!

Best line (1:22):

♫ These players fiddle their expenses, I’m a safe pair of hands, I’ll get your vote, I’ve got no moat, ’cos I’m a son of a Manse; Vince Cable, he’s not able, to chair the G20 table, you’ve got to trust your achiever to keep the markets stable ♪

Keep ’em coming, Culshaw, keep ’em coming! You are de man, mofo, you are de maannnnn!!!

• Hat tip: Guido

Goldman $tats

2009-11-10T08:57:00.001Z

HAVING dug through the
Sunday Times interview with Sachs tsar Lloyd Blankfein - from which all the juiciest quotes can be found over on Left Foot Forward - here are
the figures that leap out; prepare to screeeaaam!!

Worldwide:

Assets total $1 trillion.

$164.2 billion held in cash or cash equivalents.

Worth $95 billion by market capitalisation.

Profits of $3.2 billion in the last quarter alone.

$164.2 billion in cash or cash equivalents.

Average pay for 30,000 staff is a record $700,000.

Top earners earn tens of millions - several hundred thousand times more than a cleaner at the firm.

Good investment banking partner will make $3.5m a year.

Good trading partner: $7-10m.

Management committee member: $15-25m.

$20 billion paid out in salaries and bonuses.

Some 953 employees got bonuses of at least $1m in 2008.

Received $10 billion from the US Government’s Troubled Asset Relief Program (Tarp).

Losses in the mortgage sector: $1.7 billion - lower than any other big investment bank.Chairman and CEO Lloyd Blankfein:

Paid himself $68m in 2007 alone, an all-time record for any Wall Street CEO.

He owns more than $500 million of Goldman stock.

Owns $30m apartment on Central Park West.

Owns 6,500-square-foot home in the Hamptons - the summer playground of New York’s elite.In the City:

5,500 people work in Sachs’s Fleet Street office.

Profits per employee averaged £181,000 a year between 2000 and 2008.

Average pay this year is expected to be £458,000.What a bunch of bankers.

• Goldman $achs: Robbing from the poor to give to the rich

Never mind 50 cent, check out 50 paisa

2009-11-08T21:03:00.008Z

Once more from the top my ~~homies~~ dadas:-

♫ Amra, amra, amra downtown do takhe eh, eh

Amra downtown re takhe eh, eh

Amra downtown takhe eh, eh

Amra downtown do takhe eh, eh

Amra downtown o’ takhe eh, eh ♪

Finally, a Sylheti who’s decided to do something different! We take our toupis off to you!!

• Lal Miah’s MySpace page

Tory members are revolting

2009-11-03T18:06:00.002Z

BEHOLD this screenshot taken and cropped from Tim Montgomerie’s Facebook page.

Can you feel the love, well, can you?!

This is cheese-eating surrender monkey Europhile Shamik Das signing off...

Too funny!

2009-10-24T18:04:00.001+01:00

Enjoy!

Best sign ever

2009-10-19T08:53:00.001+01:00

CHECK out this gem of a sign I snapped while strolling the streets of Philadelphia.

...One of the nation’s first urban penal institutions, it confined felons, prisoners of war, Tories, and debtors from 1775 to 1838...

As a former Tory Home Secretary meant to have said, “I know what causes crime, ~~cri-min-els~~ Tories!”

Remember, my felonious blue-rossetted friends, if you don’t want to do the time...

• On this day in 1781: Lord Cornwallis surrenders to General Washington and the War of Independence is over

Balloon d’Or

2009-10-18T14:37:00.004+01:00

IF the balloon went in as well, would that have counted as two goals?!

There are some things in life money just can’t buy; for everything else, there’s Scousers! :)

Now you see it...

2009-10-16T17:10:00.002+01:00

Now you don’t!

Read the column in all its inglory here - more reaction on the Twitter hash tags #Jan and #janmoir - join the Facebook group and read a couple of good articles on the Telegraph and Guardian and a blinder from Charlie Brooker.

• Left Foot Forward: Forensic butchery of the piece
• Email the beyatch: j.moir200@btinternet.com

Tax-dodging traitor teams up with Tories

2009-10-08T14:32:00.002+01:00

~~C**t~~ RAT.

• Bono the artful tax dodger
• Bono, tax avoider

This just in from the hills above Manchester:

2009-10-07T16:23:00.003+01:00

FIRST up in the crosshairs: Daniel Hannan.

Followed by Liam Fox; lends new meaning to the term “fox hunting”!

Remember, you heard it here first.

• Protect the hunting ban
• Keep Cruelty History

The fightback begins

2009-10-01T13:48:00.001+01:00

WE WILL BE BACK.

Brighton the money

2009-09-30T18:52:00.000+01:00

Future Britain?

Would you have tea with the Liberal Democrats?

2009-09-20T21:47:00.002+01:00

HOLD the front page! The most boring man in Parliament, Ed Davey, has finally said something interesting.

He’d like to have tea with the Taleban.

Fair enough, you might say, a possible means to help end the conflict; after all, Western leaders have often broke bread with dictators, think of Donald Rumsfeld sidling up to Saddam, or Ban Ki Moon having dinner with AhMADinejad, as he may well do at the UN this week.

But the big question, the really big question, is would Mullah Omar and his pals be seen dead with the Liberal Democrats? And would that bunch of unelected, power-hungry madmen want to sip Alokozay with the Taleban anyway, first flush or not?!

Ed should remember that it’s spelt Vince Cable, not Vince Kabul.

• Politics.co.uk: Davey wants to “harness the power of tea”
• BBC Politics: All the latest from the Lib Dem Conference

Welcomes to Left Foot Forwards

2009-09-14T21:33:00.002+01:00

FOR gossips, opinion and scandals, go to Guido, Iain Dale or Aleksandr Heeltonz; for evidence-based analysis on British politics, news and poliiiceeey developments, go to Left Foot Forwards.

Simplez!

:Creeaw:

• Left Foot Forward

“Please be seat for Meerkat Puppet Theee-ater!”

2009-09-13T12:50:00.004+01:00

“Hello Mr Meerkat, how much could you save me on my car inshuuurance?”

“Market! Market! Market! You want maarrkett!!

“Compare the meerkat dot com... compare the maaarket dot com!”

“Simples!”

Best. Adverts. Ever.

• Compare the Meeeeerkat
• Compare the Maaaaarket

New diplomas receive thumbs up from business

2009-09-01T13:50:00.001+01:00

BUSINESS leaders have praised diplomas & welcomed the five new subjects being introduced to schools in England today.

The diploma, introduced a year ago, combines a strong vocational element with extensive work experience, and has been designed to ensure students are work and university-ready, with maths and English playing a key role in their learning.

Business, administration and finance, hair and beauty studies, hospitality, land-based and environmental studies and manufacturing and product design are the diplomas being rolled out this term.

They join the five established subjects creative and media, construction and the built environment, engineering, information technology and society and health and development on the curriculum.

Head of the Federation of Small Businesses Stephen Alambritis said:

"Universities want brainy children, we also need children who are good with their hands and we need to give them a path through which they can express those skills and these diplomas are a way forward.

"What we need to do is to improve the teaching of diplomas, make sure they are not seen as second class qualifications."Listen to his BBC radio interview here:-

Only last week a report by the National Foundation for Education Research revealed universities would not discriminate against applicants with diplomas, with even the elite Russell Group 'strongly supportive' of them.

Among the valuable skills taught to students, said the report, were crucial independent learning, critical thinking and teamwork skills, which would 'prepare them extremely well for a university course.'

• Department for Children, Schools and Families
• Diplomas: Your questions answered

Con MEP wants GP charges - and no, it's not Hannan

2009-08-28T12:40:00.001+01:00

DAVID CAMERON'S "wholehearted commitment to the NHS" came under fire from one of his own side again last night as yet another Tory MEP brought into question the very ideals of the health service.

Only last week the Tory leader made a key-note speech in which he reaffirmed his personal belief in "the principle of a healthcare system that is free at the point of use, based on need and not the ability to pay" - a principle that has once more been undermined by an errant MEP.

Speaking on last night's Channel Four News Dr Tannock said:- "I would be totally in favour of small co-payments, ie. small payments being

made if you turn up to things and perhaps small fines being levied if you don't.

"We need to look at these issues again, I know they are controversial but I don't think that people who are in a job would actually be against, say, spending £10 to see their GP or being fined £10 if they don't show up to an out-patients."

The latest row follows the storm of controversy which erupted when Dr Tannock's colleague Daniel Hannan described the NHS as a "60-year mistake" which he "wouldn't wish on anybody".

Mr Hannan was in the news again earlier this week after the release of a video in which he said Enoch Powell - he of the 'Rivers of blood' speech - was his "key political influence".

• Health Service Journal: Lansley denies GP charge plans
• BBC News: Profile of Daniel Hannan

NHS-hater praises Powell; Cameron silent. Again

2009-08-27T14:33:00.009+01:00

TORY MEP Daniel Hannan's North American lecture tour continues apace, with yet another YouTube appearance which sees him sucking up to the Redneck Right.

Having dismissed the NHS as a "60-year mistake" which he "wouldn't wish" on anybody, he's now put his foot further in it by lavishing praise on, go on, take a guess... yes, that's right (or should that be far-Right), sixties ~~radical~~ racist John Enoch Powell, MBE.

Hannan cited Powell as his key political influence, describing him as a man who understood "the importance of national democracy" and "why you needed to live in an 'independent' country" in an interview with loopy libertarian outfit Reason TV:-

Enoch Powell, the man who in his infamous 1968 'Rivers of Blood' speech spoke of "charming, wide-grinning piccaninnies" (c/f Boris Johnson) and said "the black man will have the whip hand over the white man"... the words of the hero of the hero of the Tory grassroots-Right.

And David Cameron's reaction to all this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a jot. Compare this to the instant dismissal of Nigel Hastilow, Tory PPC for Halesowen and Rowley Regis, who was forced to resign in November 2007 for saying Powell "was right" on immigration.

Yet more indecision from the Tory leader, yet more double-standards; dismiss Hastilow and Edward McMillan-Scott but do nothing about Hannan.

In his interview, Hannan also indulged once more in his favourite hobby, namely doing down the NHS, saying that "overall it is not nearly as good a system" as the US's.

That's the 'system' in which 50 million people are left without health insurance and would be left to die should they fall ill.

What does this man have on Cameron?! He really is the gift that keeps on giving!

• November 2007: Cameron hypocrisy #1:- Nigel Hastilow
• August 2009: Cameron hypocrisy #2:- Edward McMillan-Scott

The Wanker

2009-08-26T19:20:00.012+01:00

CHRIS GRAYLING'S likening of the streets of Britain to The Wire is as misleading as it is fanciful, and leads one to wonder whether he's ever seen an episode of it or is merely talking street in order to sound hip.

Take last night's episode, for example, which featured:-

• A detective planting evidence on a dead man to try and implicate a suspect

• The same 'bunky' making music with a 'ho' in some car park after going on an all-night bender

• Police swigging hip-flasks full of Jameson's Irish Whiskey while on duty

• A rookie female detective investigating a triple-homicide all on her own

• The chief of police doctoring crime figures in order to impress the Mayor

• The Mayor leaking this to the press and lining up his stooge as Commissioner

• A couple of 'Mopes' torturing an old man to death to find out their rival's hideout

• A church minister laundering 'cheese' and taking a cut for himself

• Senior officers writing-off the murders of homeless people and not investigating them properly

Sound familiar? Reminiscent of your town or village?!

Corrupt police, politicians and preachers, is this really what the Shadow Home Secretary, the Shadow Home Secretary, thinks of Britain today?! This isn't some irrelevant swivel-eyed whack-job we're talking about here, but the man who could conceivably be our next Home Secretary.

Maybe the next time Mr Grayling is asked whether Britain really is like The Wire, he'll think twice before answering "Well I think the answer to that is yes."

As they say on the streets of Baltimore, what a c***!

• BBC Two: Watch 'The Wire' tonight at 11:20
• Wikipedia: All you need to know about it

EU membership well worth the cost

2009-08-24T09:55:00.012+01:00

THE Daily Express front-page article on Britain’s net contribution to the European Union contains several misconstrued statistics if not outright lies designed to reinforce their readers’ anti-EU prejudices.

Among the misleading assertions in the report is the line in the fourth paragraph that states as fact that “Britain gets the least back from Brussels of all the 27 EU nations” – a ‘fact’ debunked in the penultimate paragraph of the very same article, a sentence of which reads “Britain is now second only to Germany when it comes to net losses to Brussels.”

There is also no mention of the benefits of European Union membership, political as well as financial - though not always immedaitely quantifiable; one is left to conclude that each family is throwing £257 down the drain, that the country will write a blank cheque for £6.2 billion to Brussels this year and get nothing in return.

Such unadulterated false accounting could not be further from the truth.

According to the United Kingdom Government's Department for Business, Innovation and Skills, as of 2003 alone:-

• EU Gross Domestic Product (2002) was £110 billion higher than it would have been without the Single Market

• EU GDP (1993-2003) was £588 billion higher due to the Single Market - an extra £3,819 per household

• Three million British jobs were linked to exports to the EU - one tenth of the workforce

• Sixty million customs clearance documents no longer needed to be completed - reducing bureaucracy, costs and time

• There is greater choice and lower prices due to deregulation of the UK optical sector

• Books cost less and there are more titles following the ending of the Net Book Agreement

• The price of replica football kits has decreased dramatically after an EU investigation into price-fixing

The benefits of membership can only have increased in the subsequent six years - data for which will be made available in due course - and will continue to increase upon Europe-wide ratification of the Lisbon Treaty, as it did following adoption of the Treaty of Accession, which grew the Market to the east.

Far from being a 'sell-out', membership of the European Union has resulted in funding for thousands of projects in many of the most deprived areas of Britain, rebuilding communities, creating jobs and boosting economies.

The biggest sell-outs of all are those calling for withdrawal, the cost of which would make £6.2 billion look like peanuts.

• The European Movement: Telling the truth about Europe
• Open Europe: Telling lies about Europe

Cameron's failure to axe Hannan over NHS assault raises fresh questions of direction and leadership

2009-08-15T11:47:00.010+01:00

TORY MEP Daniel Hannan's cowardly and unpatriotic attack on the NHS, which he told American TV viewers he "wouldn't wish" on anybody, represents a real challenge of leadership, real leadership, for David Cameron - perhaps his most significant yet.

In choosing not to discipline the über-Thatcherite shill, describing him merely as "an eccentric", Cameron risks undoing all the hard work he and his Shadow Cabinet colleagues have done over the past four years to drag the image of the Tory party away from the heartless, selfish individualism epitomised by Hannan towards the caring, compassionate Cameroonian Conservatism that has served them so well in the polls.

It also shows up Cameron once again as having one rule for his mates, and one rule for others - as witnessed by his handling of the expenses crisis: forcing out one-nation Tories like Douglas Hogg and Sir Peter Viggers while refusing to sack the likes of Michael Gove and
Alan Duncan.

Although Viggers and Hogg may not elicit any sympathy spare a thought for Edward McMillan-Scott, the pro-European MEP dismissed by Cameron for having the temerity to oppose the ill-conceived Tory alliance with far-Right factions in the European Parliament - in particular McMillan-Scott's defeat of Polish extremist Michal Kaminski in the Brussels
vice-presidential elections.

That's Michal Kaminski, described by former Europe Minister Denis MacShane as a "right-wing politician whose views on Jews, on gays, on immigrants, on President Obama would place him at the very rough end of BNP politics in Britain."

And this is a man Cameron would rather were vice-president of the European Parliament than one of his own?!

Yet more hypocrisy, yet more double standards; stand by the man who talks about the NHS being a "relic" that's "impossible to get rid of" and which "we're stuck with", while removing the whip from a centrist Tory MEP who wouldn't walk by on the other side while his party jumped into bed with the repellent Polski Prawo i Sprawiedliwosc party.

It's time for Cameron to show some leadership, grow a backbone and dismiss the vile, evil Mr Hannan.

• Labour List: Who paid for Hannan's trip?
• Twitter: Official "We Love The NHS" page

Boris + adviser + skirt = £2250 Tory expenses scam

2009-08-11T14:57:00.006+01:00

A FORMER aide to Boris Johnson, who has been forced to repay £2,100 in council expenses, faces new charges of a cover up after it emerged the inquiry into his conduct would be held in private.

Ian Clement, the fifth adviser lost by the Mayor in his first year in charge, claimed the money for stays that had already been paid for at the luxury Excelsior Hotel Ernst in Köln and Park Plaza County Hall – the headquarters of Mr Johnson’s Mayoral campaign.

Mr Clement, leader of Bexley Council from 2006 to 2008, further abused his council credit card to treat officials to £100 lunches, among them Tory colleague Joe Pollard – a member of the Audit Committee that will review his conduct.

Cllr Pollard is resisting calls to recuse himself from the investigation.

The 44-year-old had been axed as an adviser to the Mayor in June after it emerged he had misused his City Hall credit card to entertain his
23-year-old mistress to the tune of more than £150.

“The actions of Ian Clement have blown a hole in both local and London Conservatives’ claims of running transparent low-cost administrations,” said Labour prospective parliamentary candidate for Bexleyheath and Crayford, Howard Dawber.

“It’s clear that both at Bexley and the GLA Ian Clement used his work credit card to take out Conservative candidates, MPs and councillors for expensive meals.

“He not only ran up huge credit card bills but spent £7,000 attending training courses in the US.”

The entire Bexley Tory party appeared to be mired in sleaze, added Mr Dawber: "The MP for Old Bexley and Sidcup [Derek Conway], suspended form the House and ejected from the Conservative party for paying his family thousands of pounds for no work is still picking up a full salary, expenses and second home allowance.”

• Howard Dawber: The strong choice for Bexleyheath & Crayford
• August 2007: Johnson's racism revealed

Lies, damened lies and the Daily Express

2009-08-03T17:07:00.111+01:00

TODAY’S front-page lead on the Daily Express – LABOUR’S £186BN BENEFITS MADNESS – revealed that in 2009/10 spending on benefits would amount to a quarter of all State spending.

The “madness” to which the Express refers is, presumably, their belief that the £186 billion, or the vast majority of it, is being squandered: given out to ‘undeserving’ recipients or fraudulently claimed.

When analysed, however, the figures in the Centre for Policy Studies report reveal a somewhat different picture.

Of the projected £186.4 billion overall spend on benefits, only £21.68 billion (11.6 per cent) is forecast to be spent on Income Support, Jobseeker’s Allowance and Employment and Support Allowance – 2.9 per cent of total Government spending.

By contrast, £67.2 billion is set to be spent on Pensions, plus a further £1.38 billion on Pension Credits, amounting to 37 per cent of benefits spending and nearly one tenth of all Government spending.

Only last year the Express were headlining calls for a 45 per cent hike in the State Pension, which, if carried through, would have lead to a total spend on pensions of almost £99 billion – 45.62 per cent of spending on benefits and 12.76 per cent of total Government spending, which would have had to rise four per cent.

Other principal areas of benefit spending include Housing Benefit (£19.63 billion; 10.53 per cent of spending on benefits, 2.64 per cent of overall spending), Child Tax Credits (£15.68bn; 8.41%, 2.11%), Child Benefit (£11.8bn; 6.33%, 1.59%) and Disability Allowances (£6.48bn; 3.48%, 0.87%).

An additional £30 billion is paid out in minor benefits – 16 per cent of benefits spending and four per cent overall – with fraud and overpayments costing at least £2.5 billion a year, according to the report.

Sources:-
• Benefit Simplification (Centre for Policy Studies)
• 2009 Budget Red Book (HM Treasury)
• Benefit Expenditure Tables, Medium Term Forecast, June 2009 (Department for Work and Pensions)

BNP scum appointed to key Brussels committees

2009-07-31T18:29:00.011+01:00

THE two British National Party MEPs elected in last month’s European elections have this week been appointed to key parliamentary committees.

Nick Griffin and Andrew Brons will take up seats on the influential Environment, Public Health and Food Safety (ENVI) and Constitutional Affairs (AFCO) committees.

The committee Griffin will sit on (ENVI) is currently looking into smoke-free environments and tackling alcoholism – a direct contradiction of the BNP’s pledge to overturn the smoking ban and “slash the duty on beer” served in pubs.

It also oversees the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control. The BNP policy in this area is to state, without evidence, that “diseases such as TB and AIDS are on the increase as a result of immigration.”

The AFCO committee, on which Brons will sit, is responsible for “the implementation of the EU Treaty” – a treaty opposed by the BNP – who are also pledged to complete withdrawal from the EU.

They will also be substitutes on two further committees: Griffin on Industry, Research and Energy and Brons on Civil Liberties, Justice and Home Affairs, giving them a foothold in four of the Parliament’s 22 committees.

Griffin and Brons sit amongst the Euronat grouping of far-Right political parties, alongside the likes of convicted Holocaust-denier and alleged torturer Jean-Marie Le Pen, leader of France’s Front National.

In 1987, Le Pen described the Holocaust as “just a detail”, adding in 1996 that “if you take a 1,000-page book on World War II, the concentration camps take up only two pages and the gas chambers ten to 15 lines; that is what one calls a detail.”

In 1957, Le Pen is alleged to have committed acts of torture while a lieutenant in the Algerian War, an assertion backed up evidence from Le Monde – the paper producing the torture dagger used by Le Pen at a Paris libel trial in 2003.

The other parties in the BNP’s grouping are the Dutch Nieuw Rechts, Italy’s Fiamma Tricolore, the Swedish National Democrats and Spain’s Democracia Nacional.

• British Democracy Forum: UKIP/BNP advance on Europe
• Hope Not Hate: Forewarning of the BNP Euro threat

Osborne's FSA plans lift lid on Tory links to city

2009-07-21T14:35:00.039+01:00

GEORGE OSBORNE'S widely-trailed plans to abolish the Financial Services Authority, unveiled yesterday, appear to pose more questions than they answer.

The proposals – to disband the FSA and transfer its powers to the Bank of England and a new quango – also raise potentially serious conflicts of interest.

As this morning’s Financial Times editorial states, not only will their “plans for wholesale butchery” make the FSA’s task more difficult over the coming year, but it risks imbuing too much power in an “unchecked and unchallenged” central bank.

Although the FSA has recently faced questions of incompetence, it had previously been held up as a very strong regulator, particularly on consumer protection, its model replicated around the world – most notably in Japan and Germany.

The Tory plans, particularly the creation of the Financial Policy Committee super-quango, appear to undermine David Cameron’s much-vaunted “bonfire of the quangos” purge.

Additionally, neither the Shadow Chancellor nor Leader of the Opposition gave a figure as to how much their plans would cost, and no figures were given on any projected benefit to the economy.

Questions have also been raised about the Conservative party’s links to hedge fund managers, who have long complained about over-regulation by the watchdog.

Since David Cameron became party leader, a third of all Conservative funding has come from financial firms and bankers linked to the City.

Of the £44 million the Tories received in the three years following his election in December 2005, £14 million came from those in the finance industry – with some investment firms donating more than £1 million.

£662,500 was donated by Australian businessman Michael Hintze of CQS Management, while £210,000 came from Paul Ruddock, co-founder of Lansdowne Partners.

Both men, who profited handsomely from short-selling – a practice which was banned by the FSA – are members of elite Tory supporters club The Leader’s Group, annual membership of which costs £50,000 and entails lunches, dinners and receptions with senior Shadow Cabinet members.

The hostility of many in the city to the FSA is best illustrated in a survey of more than 1,500 senior executives carried out in 2002, in which the FSA had been accused of being “too consumer friendly” and being “too preoccupied with helping consumers”.

A majority of those polled believed that “the burden of regulation on the industry is too great” and that “too much weight is being given to the interest of consumers”.

• Financial Services Authority
• Download the "Sound Banking" White Paper

Look at his face, just look at his face!!

2009-07-18T11:14:00.007+01:00

RICKY PONTING looks incredulous after being given out caught behind by the third umpire as the second Test reached boiling point at Lord's yesterday.

Today, the biggest day in the sporting calendar, the debate is all about whether or not England will enforce the follow-on should Australia fail to score the 70 runs they need to avoid that possibility.

To enforce or not to enforce; what would WG do?!

• Cricinfo: Live text commentary from Lord's
• Test Match Special: Live audio commentary

Kat's the way to do it!

2009-07-10T10:45:00.003+01:00

SIMON KATICH roars with delight after reaching his maiden Ashes century and eighth overall.

A man much derided, not least for his performances four years ago, not least by fools like me, and boy, how wrong we all were!

Mea culpa!! :P

• Cricinfo: Live text commentary from Cardiff
• Test Match Special: Live audio commentary

And then there were four

2009-06-30T13:26:00.001+01:00

MICHAEL VAUGHAN'S retirement today from Test cricket leaves England with only four survivors from the Ashes-winning side of 2005.

He joins Ian Bell, Ashley Giles, Steven Harmison, Matthew Hoggard, Simon Jones, Geraint Jones and Marcus Trescothick in bidding farewll to international cricket just eight days before the Ashes resumes.

Indeed, England's recent poor run may, in part, be put down to the break-up of that team, who never played together again, injuries, loss of form and mental illness putting paid to the unit which brought them such success.

Of the 47 Tests they have played since that triumph England have won only 14 - nine of those against New Zealand and the West Indies - with no series wins against teams ranked level with or above them in the ICC rankings.

Bell and Harmison, if they can conquer their repective demons, may yet return, but for Vaughan and the rest, it's a case of thank you and goodnight.

So what chance of a repeat success, and a first major series win since defeating Pakistan in 2006?

The four who remain from '05, Vaughan's four successors as captain - Paul Collingwood, Andrew Flintoff, Kevin Pietersen and Andrew Strauss - now form the backbone of the team and will all need to be at the very top of their game if England are to regain the Urn.

Completing the batting order are Alastair Cook and Ravi Bopara, a mixture of relative experience and noviceness, who'll be followed by wicket keeper-batsman Matt Prior at six, with Flintoff dropping down to seven.

The bowling attack, however, will be the section with the most questions hanging over it. James Anderson ad Stuart Broad look certain to start, alongside Graeme Swann and one of Adil Rashid or Monty Panesar.

And it's not just England who'll be without so many former stars, Australia will be without Shane Warne, Glen McGrath, Adam Gilchrist, Justin Langer, Matthew Hayden and Andrew Symonds, who all featured in the 2006/7 whitewash series.

• BBC Sport: Michael Vaughan's career in pictures
• Cricinfo: Key moments in Vaughan's career